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When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

the final and last paper. oops, still got chem spa but that is not counted cos. . . IT IS CHEM SPA. i am really not making any sense. gosh. physics. my worst subject. the highest marks i got for ct not counting gp. is it irony in every way? it is or is it not.

went to woodlands lib to mug wif yun. it was super funny la. like alr got one entire queue of ppl waiting and then the gate just lift up abit and ppl are already crawling in just to get tables? then the escalators were like one swarm? i just slowly walk to the ground floor near the cafe and just put my bag there. THERE! THERE IS A SEAT. haha.

mugged wif yun and jun today. jun is physics consultant aka physics guru. did finish waves and kinematics and measurements and stuff. and sock it. the a lavel book is FULL of wrong answers and it is super easy la. like easier than rj and vj's promo paper. i need physics to pass. seriously chem cmi alr. totally cmi.

need a brain. a new one. haha. i was like fiddling wif the tv cos changed new scv in my room and i wanted to tape something. haha. tml going out wif yun i tink. dunno if got anymore joinin but going to be fun. last day of exam. just hope that i don't slack off thinkin tat it is the last paper. physics can be fun, provided u can understand the subject.

i want studying to be fun. i onli enjoy studyin maths so far. integration rocks. was spam msging boon jin today. inbox. . . tsk tsk. scandalous rite boon jin? i am the innocent victim. haha. like jie di lian. oh yeah, i made the biggest mistake of taking 169 home from woodlands today. i totally forgot tat my stop was like the fourth from the last? then sat in the bus for like 45 minutes when can mrt. tsk tsk. was quite motion sick cos i dunno like to sit in vehicles for long period of time. queasy and stuff. was praying for it to reach la. after travellin for half an hour, only reached yishun. gosh. . .

shall go and mug physics alr. no retain.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

screwed. chem is bloody screwed. screwed. lol. it is ironic since chem was the one tat i had planned to take h3 then wham bam. bye bye. irony comes in many different ways.

went wif yun, boon jin, usarin, denny and ngiam after chem paper. was actually quite sian diao wif chem alr and wasn't really in the mood but still forced myself to zihigh. cos if i don't, i will just be there emoing and it is not good at all. seriously not good. i just left the last two pages blanks. smart rite? i feel like an idiot now.

my hp bill is confirm bao. sigh, i hate hps. i mean like wad is the use of them? i tink i will throw my hp away soon. or just off it forever like last time. could still rmb tat once, my hp bill only came up to five bucks. that was so nice.

life is gettin more and more boring. i need to get a new circle. seriously need. a new life, a new source of entertainment cos there is nothing to entertain me now. i keep thinking that exams is over when i actually have a PHYSICS one on monday. and bloody hell, i can't do physics for nuts.

going out to study is extremely not productive for me. seriously. no matter how many times i try. unless there is someone to teach me. thank god for jun. seriously. he taught me abit of chem and then today physics. today was like travelling day. went from j8 to thomson plaza to ngiam's condo study area there.

vjc physics paper sucked. seriously. couldn't do half of the questions. tml mayb going to woodlands lib to study wif yun. hmm. depends on whether i can wake up. haha. talked to the phone for super long wif yun.my eyes betray me? great. must wear sunglasses alr. haha.

oh yeah. yesterday went to my dad's cousin's house in like clarke quay. very near the quay side. i wasn't expecting much cos i dun really know him but omg, the house was freaking nice. four storeys? but more like condo type. then his cousin is like a perfectionist. an ultimate perfectionist. had like this greek cheese and got olives. wow. i love this type of life. haha.

then got this peach wine which was very nice. but had alcohol in it then at first my mum didn't allow and we drank coke but then we could drink cos it was bought for me and my sis and gosh, it is nice. extremely fragant and stuff. when i took a sip, got this type of kick and this highness set in. super nice the house. like this type of modern and super unique. the furniture was freaking cool. like gosh, it was like my dream home.

then i saw brie! it is his dog. super big and nice. the fur was nice and black. but its bark was LOUD. then ate dinner at the rooftop. could oversee the quay side and spore river. then at the top got this hot tub. . . NICE. then got this like buffet along the hot tub. he can really cook. like got fried chicken. prawn salad. baked potatos wif rosemary. duck wif sea cucumber. two pizzas for conrad hotel. cream wild mushrooms. WHOO.

then was sitting along the balconey eating and lookin at the view. could see the river taxis and stuff. then he placed alot of candles and it was so damn romantic. wad a pity the person sitting opposite was my sister. haha. oops. my champagne class was being filled up like siao wif wine la. i tink i drank half the bottle and got all high and stuff. haha.

then desert was the bomb. got this light light with raspberries which he made himself and got this almond cake also made by him. then got this white choc cake from raffles hotel. nice. freaking nice. haha. i was quite high aka drunk by then. then went downstairs the living room to watch dvds. me and me sis. got like this huge dvd collection. was like watchin pretty women acted by richard gere and julia roberts. then got this apple computer. haha.

then was kind of sad when left cos he came to talk to me and me sis about my dad leaving shanghai and was like saying like it is a good opportunity and told me not to blame my dad. the fact is that i don't. i don't blame my dad for leaving when there is like 35% pay rise for him. which amounts to about. . . dunno how many k. but i don't care about this.

i was actually crying in the car when driving home but then no one knew. and yes, my eyeliner ran. great. i mean like there is like about two weeks left. how long more? then if the prospects are good, he may stay there. am i going to move there? no. no matter how much i love my dad. i won't move. i will be giving up alot.

is it time for people to be true to themselves? beneath all that laughter, what is the exact relationships that people have? do people really hang out with people just to kill time? is it becos there have nothing to do and just use them as an alternative measure?

i dunno. i have doubted friendships alot of times. too much to be counted. the only friendships that i have and never doubted is perhaps with the backrowers and wif my two bffs. mayb cos have been together for a long time so i don't doubt them. but the newer the friendship, the more i will think, will this be everylasting? if it is not everlasting, why am i still wasting my time? isn't it true if nothing comes out of it, there is no point still going thru it cos it is a cost instead of a benefit?

there are things that i need to do. things that i need to ammend. things that i need to rethink. is it time tat the truth was said? i tink i said before. smile when u are happy, frown when u are angry. shld i stop shielding my emotions? it has become a habit that it comes naturally. to smile cos dun want ppl to know what i am tinkin about. to say extreme stuff when i don't even tink of it, when the thing is not even on my mind. i guess it is just natural reflex. the more ppl think that i am harmless, the more things i can do. the more freedom i have. but believe me, i bear a grudge. and the thing is that, i never forget what is being said to me, especially insults. although ppl say tat words are harmless, believe me i am not affected by it. my heart is already hardened. the thing is that it is bloody annoyin if it is said by someone that don't even know me at all and just made their own assumptions. i mean u don't even know me, how can u say things about me? even if it is just a harmless comment.

sigh. the ignorance of ppl really amazes me. i am utterly and entirely gobsmacked.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i tink i will be bald at the end of exams. rawr. like my hair is quite annoying. now i know why i didn't cut my hair short since sec 2. cos it will grow to a length whereby it is too long for comfort and too short to tie up. i would rather tie up than cut it again! over my dead body. still wanna go highlight my hair. PURPLE!

my hair will prob b sticking out tml since i tied it up now. MATHS PROMO OVER. banzai! hurray. jump down. haha. it was relatively ok. except very tedious then still go some questions just blank cos no time to go back and complete. gosh.

tml is chem. haven realli started on organic. need to pia. was consulting jun on the phone just now. like throw any question at him like tat. haha. enlightened over the topic of kinematics alr. whee. happy.

it was rainin in the morn and rained today again. tsk tsk. oh yeah! tml not same exam hall as yun they all. but i tink same wif jun ba. not sure. but IN THE GYM! so. . . bleh. dust mites. dust mites. air conned. pls let it be air conned. i am not making any sense.

woke up at six today to read maths. lol. i have a habit of waking up earlier to absorb. i tink i can absorb beta tat way. something to do with panic and ability to absorb? lol. sounds like a sponge. eeks, was coughing during the exam. boon jin! pass sickness to me. gosh.

i wanna finish this. wee. it is going faster than i expected. quickly. quickly bye bye. omg. haven touched physics. omg. . . must pia during weekends. die also must pia. cannot retain. OVER MY DEAD BODY. haha. i love watching friends. funny. i am so going to buy the entire series. although i said it like ultra long ago. sigh. will power. saving money up for japan trip. cos tendency to buy rubbish. but then my aunt say don't need to save money. . . lol. need to buy prezzies esp for flo since she went japan and bought me super nice biscuits. nice. lovely. haha.

MUGGING TIME. i quite like doing exam in the hall. was like taking exam for ip like tat. haha. but i happy tat i didn't get in. although i could have probably been in the same class as my *slam wham. but then again, there are more benefits being in mainstream. i wonder what they are XD

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am doing deleting of my phone's contacts. like just holding my phone, scrolling down the phonebook, seeing any names for which i haven seen in a long time or know that i won't even bother to keep in touch with them. DELETE. sounds cruel? yup. but it is the realities of life.

those tat i kept were, from 4 grace, backrowers, swat clique, my bffs and those that are in nj. thos tat i deleted were mainly from my old cca like those lower sec ppl and esp those ppl tat pissed me off in cca. even though they are still in nj, lets say i won't talk to them XD

HAPPY IS THE MOOD I AM CURRENTLY IN. one paper down, three to go. not tat econs was that good, case study sucked and stuff but look on the optimistic side, at least u don't have to go and study EOS OR MARKET FAILURE anymore rite?

i miss my babe, jiin and my darling flo. sigh. their exams finish next tues while mine finishes next wed cos of chem spa. wanna go out. although it is probably after promos massive pw. . . i tink can play abit ba. i wanna pon games day. boon jin say pon to do PW.O_O ok. . . so on. . .

maths. need to do maths. woke up at 5am today to read thru econs essays. haha. and i don't really feel tired. maths. i need to work hard for maths. happy mood. dunno why. i tink deleting the names of e ppl tat u don't like have some kind of therapeutic effect on u. don't ask me why i have their names inside my hp. i happen to b the secretary. no choice. haha. omg, i even have their house numbers. eeks.

actually those numbers that i only need, are those tat are in my 2nd hp. lol. if i don't msg or don't memorise the number, obviously i have nothing to look for them and obviously there is no need for their numbers right? but some, u will feel kind of bad deleting but then, ur benefit is feelin happy so WHY NOT?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i feel queasy, tat time of when ur exam is coming up and u feel like u wanna die tat type of queasy. was doing chem today. still have some haven finish so have to ton tonight and do econs. omg. i feel like hell.

studyin is killing me. one week from now, i will be celebrating. one week from now. provided i am able to survive. haha. gosh, save me. sneezing away again.

i want a dog. i am scared of dogs. gosh, i am FREAKIN NOT MAKING SENSE. i am like desperate for human contact. like msging yun, boon jin and jun the entire day today. my hp is bao alr. but i was feeling damn horrible the entire day la. like ready to jump off the freaking building but onli two story so won't die. i need to go back to sngs to regain abit of sanity. i need some familiarity. die also must go hc next week. need balance in my life again.

i wanna see xiang and sharon. die. uneasy feelin in jc life. sigh. it is about time tat i felt it. cos it shld take some form of adjustment rite? when this is over, i am going to do some extremely weird stuff. bleh. also lack of slp. sigh. . . THIS IS GOING TO BE OVER AND I WILL NOT RETAIN. haha.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i will be officially carless starting from end of next week. gosh, my dad selling his bw to the neighbour and the new car which is my mum's will come like end of oct? gosh. omg. . .

my mum is dying for me to learn how to drive. which i will go and learn in dec. definitely cos i don't really trust my mum's driving. she was testing me abit on highway code and got this super funny one. she was like doing actions for the sign and then. . . i went to say 'no fishing ahead' and she was laughing her head off cos it was suppose to mean road works ahead.

then she went to tell my dad and sis which ended up wif sarcastic comments like. . . there is a pond in the middle of the road. I LOVE MY FAMILY. haha

my mum flying off to india tonite. coming back next sat. rawr. my dad flying off to shanghai on 13 oct and then my mum's new job requires her to fly also. ahh. . . i have got flying parents. bleh

went to see fireworks yest. omg, i saw shawn! campus superstar shawn. super cute. and got darren the project super star. he sang sha shou by lin jun jie. nice. haha. shall go and mug now. i am happy muggin. gosh. i must be mad XD

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

finally finished inequalities! next to tackle is binomial. haha. feeling quite happy today. tml tackle chem then mon and tues hamtam econs. whee. dunno why feelin so happy. was actually quite slackish today.

was looking thru photo albums. i miss the times whereby was able to smile without artifice and was like innocent and naive. then got load of photos overseas. cool. then dunno why after a certain year, there was no more photos. i guess childhood was the most important.

just smile without caring what you look like. that was the best period of my life. laugh because it is funny. smile because you are happy. cry because you are sad. why can't life always be that simple?


i was sexy since young XD


a gambler!


my sis when she was STILL cute and innocent

going to bath soon. going amk hub to see fireworks XD. relax abit and buy some stuff. then come back and mug again. time is runnin out but my happiness is running out as well.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am dying. . . flu is killing me. sneezing like crazy. drowsy like mad. coughing like sneezing like drowsy which equals to crazy and mad. and i doubt i am making any sense. now i am like holding a tissue to my nose as though it is bleeding. bleh. don't feel like going to sch tml. since i am like half dead but i will have to drag myself there becos of lessons, have consultation and have pw meetin. boon jin, u beta appreciate what i am doing!

i realised something.there are no smart ppl in this world. it just depends on whether they have put in the effort to read up or not. and that doesn't constitute as muggin. there are no stupid ppl in this world, just like there is no smart ppl in this world.

i love flo and jiin. haha. miss them loads la. like nv see them for about a month? nvm, 7 years of friendship alr. haha. flu. i am dying. i wonder how am i going to survive. blame it on sean kington's beautiful girls song. . . got this SUICIDAL SUICIDAL PART. wad is worse is tat it is catchy.

tonning tonite. mug. mug is greater than health. or so i thot.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am coughing and shall then die of tuberculosis before promos is over. yeah right, as if whatever i have wished had ever came true.

gp paper. i was freaking out. seriously like freaking out. i don't know why. i have never been very good with english papers. like some kind of fear and stuff. rawr. paper 1. censorship is a necessary evil. there is a problem. there are very diff interpretations of this question. if i wrote out of point, my entire gp is screwed. compre was. . . rawr. don't talk about it. die. shit. die. mayb i was too paranoid during the paper, tat is why i cannot perform ot my fullest. sorry, but i still at least wanna maintain my C in gp. so please. . . don't let me screw up the paper that i may b onli able to pass.

tink going for chem consultation wif mrs yeo tml and maths is on fri. . . then econs outline due. WHAT IS WRONG WIF ME. there is like at least six days left onli. WHY THE HELL AM I WASTING MY TIME TYPING STUFF HERE? ok, mayb i need to destress abit. chem extra lessons were boring, funny and long. haha. it was like from 1.10 to 3.45?! it just dragged and dragged and dragged. at least i know ABIT OF ionic equilibrium.

i don't wanna slp tonight. just wanna pia maths, chem and econs. shit. . . gp. . . don't let me deprove. don't let me deprove. although my vocab is quite screwed and my aq may b totally out of point. WOW. ok, confirm japan trip from 12 - 21 dec. now the onli thing is left to see if going to shanghai. . . haha. will mostly spend my hols overseas ba. going cruise also. bleh. i will miss my bed. . .

i need joy and laughter in my life. i want someone to make me laugh instead of me making people laugh. for once i just want to listen and laugh. for once, i just wanna do things my own way.

i decided. i going to study for my highway code during the hols and take the test in jan. then learn how to drive asap. ambitious much? my throats sucks and i still ate chicken cutlet today. great. . . i am so suicidal. according to the compre we did today, ppl are time obsessed. yes. we are, don't deny it.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

time is running out. damn it. left 14 days i guess. sigh. so sleepy and stuff. i am hungry. rawr. . . . don't wannt do work. but still. thank god today released early. sigh. tml have pw meetin. sleep. . .

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

lets run away in circles until we both tire out

never go to sch in a good mood. it will get destroyed in the end so what is the point? i am not going to waste anymore time. and i am not going to repeat my past mistakes.

sometimes, actions really speaks louder than words. how would you know if the words spoken to you are said through false teeth? there is no way in determining. there is no need in putting up false fronts anymore. sometimes endings can be so predictable that it gets boring.

wasting time on things that are insignificant is stupid. ust tear your heart out and focus on the most important thing at hand. cos, no one is going to stay back with you with you do. words have no weightage so there is no point in saying.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

whee! BOON JIN IS ONLINE. gosh. SO HAPPY. haha. thot he was going to ditch me cos he said that he was going online at ten plus so when i reached home, i just on the com and HE WAS NOT ONLINE. he ditched me. then called his hp and he didnt' answer. horrible. then he replied and HE IS FINALLY ONLINE. haha. i wonder wad he will do to me if i ask him to come online cos i was bored. hmm. . .

went to my grandma's house for lunch. whee. then like ALL my mum's sisters and brothers came and most of my cousins. squeezed into one three room flat. haha. then went home with the intention of slacking.

then jun called me. horrible guy. never reply my msg and then impromptu call me. haha. then yue him to go kfc to study. then i went to play piano and slack abit before going there. . . i reached there at 3.20pm. he reached at 4.50pm. rawr. then he say cos he wanted to prove me right that he will reach there later than me. GRR. lucky i got stuff to work on. if i wasn't mugging and just waiting for him, i would have killed him. haha.

then ate kfc. . .he is addicted to kfc. ate it four times i tink. lol. mugging was. . . fun? was like listening to the songs played in the kfc and talking lame stuff. playing with gcs. . . i can write bai chi jun wei in chinese on the graphic calculator. then tat idiot went to write DONE BY JUN WEI(^^,) on my drawing. rawr. plagarism. can sue him. haha.

then mug until 8 plus then walked to amk central. queued up for waffle at prima deli. it is nice XD then walk to amk hub ntuc to buy lock for his locker. actually, not his locker but. . . haha. then he detoured and started looking at tvs, printers, computers. . . can happily murder him. then we saw the locks. got this super cute one that it is a heart shape wif a cat on it. both of us bought the same one. but actually is he copy me cos i saw it first.

then he saw this safe. . . then started asking lame questions like if u put a body in there will it stink. . . lame. then something about grinding and stuff. hurr. . . then he walked me home. or more likely he rushed me home cos he walked super fast. haha. then from a dist can see my neighbour's car and stuff. then walk wif him to the bus stop. i am such a nice girl. idiot jun. wasted my sms. he didn't msg me to tell me he reach home but tell me on msn. dots.

boon jin is being in a romantic mood. his personal msg is 'bring me out of this, just so that i can be with you'. . . haha. didn't know that he can even TYPE out this sentence. then he say mine is public confession. . . haha. lame. mine is all song lyrics la. haha. . . silly boon jin.

tml got sch. die. haven do econs essay. alot of stuff haven do. . . sad case. haha. i did the lock alr. hang it on my sch bag. the combination? it is the day which we first had a proper conversation. like instead of hi and stuff, just sat down and talk to know each other. . . sweet. haha. i am a romantic at heart. whee.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

finished reading one book again. i have a beta talent at reading than at doing. gosh, 17 DAYS LEFT? wth. . . i shld just jump down. need some time to think about what i am giving up and stuff.

my dad was shopping for shirts today at velocity. the funniest thing he said was that the best place for buying shirts was at HEEREN FOURTH FLOOR. gosh. i was so stunned la. like i hardly even shopped at heeren? and there was my dad telling me where was good places to shop. eeks, i am OLDER THAN MY DAD. gosh.

happy mood nv will fade. i guess it is kind of like a burden off my shoulder already. it didn't realli take too long. hopefully. just there are still lingering traces left. i just need you to need me as much as i need you ba. that is all. if it cannot happen then no point holding on. there are other fish in the sea. haha.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

droolz. photoshop cs3 really rocks. downloaded alot of brushes. so pretty. that is now my new catchphrase. haha. but sometimes, i find it super annoying. bleh.

was rudely awaken by my dad to go and eat lunch at hanabi. lol. wasn't realli in a mood to eat but just tagged along. then walked to coronation to buy stationary. bought a new calculator, staplers and pencil lead. plus ink catriach. but i dunno if it is suitable for the printer. bleh.

then went to velocity to find my shoes. i think my dad wanted to puke blood la. then saw this beach runway whereby the models did cat walks and stuff. gosh, there is this extremely cute british model. super cute. haha. then we walked like all over the place. went to world of sports, nike, adidas, fila, royal sporting house. . . until went to new balance and then i saw the shoe. gosh, it was realli very nice. simple. couldn't find the pic online. haha. hopefully can get it.

hardly studied today la. rawr. was busy doing designs for the pw online exhibition. brushes is so pretty. gosh. i was like editing like mad. but so far come wif up two. haha. if free then do another one. very simple. but the words need to find nicer font ba. . . BOON JIN! go and choose the design! haha.

design 0

design 1

design 2

design 3

design 4

design 5

design 6

design 7

gosh, i just downloaded somemore new brushes. very nice. but need to stop playing with photoshop alr. study. i want cs3 for my birthday! haha. but shld b quite ex. eek. tonight don't need to slp alr. just mug all the way thru. haha. today is a happy day.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

kiss me and say goodbye XD

today went to sch. . . dad fetched mum and i to mrt. haha. first time taking mrt to sch. whee. then. . . alighted at newton. realise that i haven been spending much time with my parents. feeling super guilty. esp if my dad is leaving for shanghai and my mum leaving for chiangrai for a week, i realli shld try to make time for them.

waited quite long for 171 at newton mrt. . . sigh. like ten minutes? then boarded. was quite worried that by the time i reached sch the side gate would b closed. luckily no. sigh. was reali frustrated in the morning. then yun came and the muggin session started. but i was realli focused. didn't realli get much done. what realli pissed me off was that i couldn't even do a simple integration question. like don't even need to do by parts and i went to think until so complicated. grr. then was also msging boon jin. stupid guy didn't bring integration one notes. still dare to tell me that he cannot wake up when he woke up so early. rawr.

i was so annoyed that i went to play piano. gosh, it sounded super horrible to my ears la. was like playing a song and stop that kind of thing. lousy. pity all those that had to listen to my horrible plyaing. . . sigh. then yun also went to play, even then, i couldn't even realli hear melody. die. . . my listening kind of died. . . sigh. . . then boon jin and danny came and his is a CLASSIC EXAMPLE of someone that doesn't listen to advice. cos he wore pe shirt. . . then say can wear jacket to hide that he wear pe shirt. haha. then according to him, he got caught wintin five steps. so he was BANISHED to the canteen where i and ailin were.

i was doing physics wave. quite dead. dunno how to do so many questions la. . . grr. then jun came along. boon jin is silly, he spilled his milo on his pants as well as on the laptop case. tsk tsk. then xinglong also came. haha. then boon jin and i walked around to see the h3 list. . . then walk to general office there. haha. then usarin came. . . super funny. the first thing she said to us was that 'I AM TWO MONTHS PREGNANT!' both of us were stunned. like speechless. the first thing that came to my mind was. . . good job boon jin. haha.XP

turns out that she ate too much for lunch. lol. say clearly leh. this type of thing can stun ppl until super badly. funny. then went for physics. was kind of stoning and stuff. then after tat went island creamery. . . then jun joined us. ate mudpie and apple pie with ice cream. then the three of us went to share one tub of apple pie ice cream. cool. piggies.

then after that, we still went to bt plaza to eat kfc. pig. i realli felt like a pig. lol. was kidding around as usual. sigh. don't know when am i going to study alr. die. . . like hol is ending yet i still so much haven do. can just jump down suan le. then i bought three champage choc. yum. . .

then went home with jun. i was half asleep on the bus. haha. then alighted and went amk hub to meet darr. nearly ate anderson ice cream but then felt like puking by then. so walked around abit and then went home. didn't feel like going home too late. haha.

i was telling yun that i dunno what i feel for him anymore. i don't know if i still like him or do i just treat him like a fren onli. i am confused. i am like hesitating alr. how? it is beta for me if the feelins fade cos it is not worth it. i mean like those emotional rollercoasters can just b ridden once. mayb after this i can start to rely on you more. i won't hesitate anymore to treat you just like a fren.

there is alot of catching up wif frens after promos. like neglected alot of people. gosh, i feel horrible. now, i will only willing to spend time with those that i am close with. i won't even bother to meet new people. what is the point? just live in my own world in good enough. dont' need to ask for more.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i tink i am going to get flu. keep sneezing. . . but of cos can b also due to my hair which is wet. very frustrated today. stood under the shower for a super long time. it would be nice if water can wash my troubles away.

woke up at 11. then went to do summarization of forces. sigh. then rushed out of the house to meet norman and usarin for lunch. haha. actually i didn't know yun not going. if i knew earlier then probably will stay in sch. LIGHTBULB. haha. then waited super long at the bus stop before macritchie bus stop for 74 or 852. i thot i was going to be horrendous late and make them wait. who knew, i was EARLY. LOL. they came like 5 minutes after me. saw ting at golden rooster then took her table. whee. i have no idea what is boon jin's hp used for. seriously dunno. MISS CALL THREE TIMES. 2 UNREPLIED SMS. great. . .

ate lemon chicken wif rice. stupid boon jin went to concentrate the lemon on ONE AREA. super sour. and i am not even FOND of sour stuff. ee. then shared another plate wif usarin. then boon jin see us eat also cannot tahan. went to order one plate which three of us sort of shared. wa. . .like pigs la. but was super full. haha. took revenge by squirting alot on his. but he didn't seem to mind. haha. then tabaoed two packages back. then went to ntuc to buy the impact peach sweet. super nice la. addictive.

then went lib. . .do physics. haha. i hate physics. no matter how much i study or practise forces, i cannot do it. sigh. gg. then yaoliang came. EEW. he went to poke me la. . .then i was sitting closer and closer to boon jin until yaoliang went to bug him then i move away. haha. then xinglong came. then ask him to teach me p and c question which norman also couldn't do. HE COULDN'T DO ALSO. haha. that is like the ultimate question alr.

then went for physics. spent 1 hr and a half going thru 6 questions. sigh. but ok la. haha. the question even junyang couldn't solve. wow. ee. . . i shld stop running away but i cannot help it. then had pw meeting. . .at rain tree. dunno why the internet connection suddenly just GONE. haha. went wif grace to buy green tea. sigh. of all the drinks, i rather not choose that one. then grace and i were saying that guys were cheap skates. and for e.g boon jin would like buy one dollar ring for engagement ring. then use lollipop stick for ring. . . haha. then his wedding theme will b like ADAM AND EVE. lol.

then pw started. boon jin was the secretary. ended up having alot of stuff not done. sigh. now i tink must go do the online exhibition thing. pls. . . let it be done. haha. i need to do some stuff. pls. . . let it be done. pls. . . then grace left at 6.30. then jiaming also. so left and boon jin alone. SO SCANDALOUS. haha. like everything between me and him now so scandalous. funny. i find it super amusing cos i DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. haha.

then we were like continue wif our LONG LIST of things to do. then he started throwing a book around. and i can throw further than him. i tink must do wif the height. the shorter u are, the angle u throw is smaller. . . therefore can throw further ba. but during pw, i was meng msging yun cos something pissed me off super badly. like horrendous badly. even boon jin know. tsk. i wonder why i even told him in the first place.haha.

then we walked to canteen to see if the side gate was opened.NO. then he said something super scandalous. 'i can _________________ without __________. haha. was DEEPLY imprinted in my mind la. tsk tsk. he said dont' write it on the blog but. . .i didn't write it. haha. then he purposely walk the way which used to have a dead rat la. horrible. ee. . . then we were walking down then he suddenly say that this scene is romantic. haha. like a couple walking down a pathway. then suddenly someone stepped on the drain cover and got this loud CLANKING sound. then we turned back. it was joseph and this canoe girl. and then suddenly boon jin got all paiseh and stuff for WHICH I DUNNO WHY.

he started walking faster. then i had to do so as well. then i was asking him to slow down cos very obvious that he was avoiding them. then he purposely started walking super slow which is also very obvious. lol. then he said that the two ppl behind us must be thinking that the 'couple' in front of them very he qi. like walk fast and slow at the same time. lol. then he was saying dunno wad korean couple . . . then norman say romantic. . . nv thot i would use norman and romantic in the same sentence.

then he went to annoy me. . . leading me to dao him for the rest of the journey. actually not dao la. then he said i was swaying my butt. WTH. he was DREAMING. seriously la. like i was holding a file. . . how unsexy that is alr la. grr. then 157 past by when we were walking. . . wanted to run after it but cannot. sigh.then we were like saying. . . wad happens if cabbages see us at the bus stop. . . so scandlous. then he was so desperate to run away from both of that that we boarded 156. haha. then sat down. . . stupid boon jin. keep thinking about scandalous stuff. then i said that the things he said were. . .s________ and suggestive and a___________. haha. until now he couldn't guess la. not telling him. then he came up wif realli lame ones. hurr.

he ditched me at macritchie bus stop AGAIN. boarded 74 himself. when onli minutes later, 165 came. grr. he owes me. then i had to lug the laptop all over the place again. grr. . . grr. . . grr. . . he owes me big time.

give up. totally pissed off with you. chattin wif jiin online. just sprewed out everything that happened. sigh. then she is kind of counselling and consoling me. like say that this type of thing don't need to get angry over. actually, i am not realli angry. just disappointed. am i so easily replaceable? if yes, then i don't want to b ur fren anymore. there is no point if there are so many others.

i mean like, without u i can also be happy. so why is there a need for u in my life? if time can fade relationships. for once, i wish ours will fade.

jiin send me one song. . . vertical horizon. 'everything you want.' i didn't realli look at the lyrics yet. but hearing it. . . it makes sense.

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

STUPID BOON JIN WANTS ME TO BLOG FOR HIS ENTERTAINMENT. haha. sigh, today was like slacking off the entire day. finished reading the two books which i borrowed from the lib. just sat down and read and read without stopping. then started abit on forces revision, which reminds me. tml have physics make up at 3 pm. a very. . spastic and weird timing.

then went out wif my sis to j8 for dinner. . .tat makes it four days in a row which i have been to j8. sigh. went to cafe cartel cos ever since usarin let me drink the death by chcolate milkshake. i have been hooked. haha. ate chicken cutlet. which is way nicer than nj but the price is also. . . wow. then this very spastic thing happen. like my sis finished her milkshake alr and i finished my main course. her main course haven come yet and like wait for half an hour? hers was beef lasagna and it took. . . very very long. then when it came. . . according to her, it tasted like crap. too sour and burnt. so return it back to them and took it off our bill. haha. their garlic bread wif cheese is nice though. then my sis ate this brownie which. . . is dark like sin. whee. . . then we were doing EXTREMELY spas things. . . like using video cam in hp to video stuff. . . and the funny thing about singaporeans. they like free stuff. like cafe cartel got this free flow bread stuff and then ppl were like taking until finish. then a new batch of bread came and i told my sis, surely got ppl rush to take. and true enough, there were like five ppl QUEUEING for the bread. and like four of them were men. WOW. tat says alot rite? no wonder men are SUCH CHEAPSKATES. . . rite boon jin?

then walked around. . . the cinema was crowded. like packed wif ppl. dunno why but i am bettin on FREE STUFF. haha. went to laser flair to look for cruel intentions to which the person says that cruel intentions 1 is BANNED in spore. . . bleh. that show is seriously not THAT R RATED. i tink onli nc 16. grr. but it is a nice show. about lies, sex and betrayal. cool.

then walked to arcade. . . for once, i didn't want to waste my time lookin at ppl play games cos number one, there were no good basketball players and two, ppl were making a fool out of themselves playing the game which they had to grab a stuff toy. obviously it was not made easy to win. haha. i am a simple person, onli need my bf to do such a thing for me. XP

then dad came to fetch. whee. . . sigh, i tink he leavin on oct 1. what a nice children's day. then my mum is going chiangrai to work from spet 24 to 29 i tink. which is during my promos. RAWR. this totally sucks. the song 'hopelessly devoted to you' is stuck in my head. heard it on the way home. it is such an old song but meaningful.

chattin wif boon jin and yun online now. boon jin is. . . LAME. LAME. die. tml have to lug a stupid laptop. pls let the side gate b open. or else i will b super sian. then. . . convo wif yun. enlightening ba.

if you don't care then pls stop using me. it is bloody annoying not to mention selfish. i won't always be there for you. that is why i come up wif alot of lies to avoid this. seriously. it is sort of like a game we play. but i am backing out. it is no fun to play wif someone who is obviously playing to kill time.

i read the book yesterday which says that ppl who are in love wif themselves will think that 'they are god's gift to the universe'. yeah rite. if you are, then why am i not happy anymore. this is gettin tiring. moving on mayb the best thing that has happened to me this year.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

olivia inspired reira. wish and a little pain.





I cannot hold back
The truth no more
I let you wait too long
Although it's hard and scares me so
A life without you scares me more

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i feel like puking again. omg. this has bloody got to stop. i must stop feelin like this whenever i read something that displeases me. omg. . . pls make this stop. i must stop surfing the net. seriously. stop stop stop stop.

flo's sms woke me up. haha. it was like 9.40 when i woke up so quickly changed and rush down to bishan lib. NO TABLES. but lucky got sofa. whee. i miss my bff. like so LONG nv see her. haha. then the mugging hell started. i was just doing differentiation over and over again. grr. . .

my butt was practically numb after a while. sigh. then was talking to flo about loads of stuff. like nj is a MUGGING PARADISE. yup yup. we were like mugging zombies la. was mugging and mugging and mugging. even when lunch time came, flo still refused to eat. rawr. haha. then we went to eat macs. . . after that, started slacking for a while. like walking up and down j8. then. . . went back to lib and the muggin started again. hell. . .

but then we were kind of slackish alr. like slping a while. taking books to read. the books that we took were. . . 'WHEN WOMEN LOVE A MEN WHO IS IN LOVE WITH HIMSELF' and 'MISTAKES THAT MEN MAKE THAT WOMEN HATE.' super funny. especially the narcississitc one. damn funny. lol

mugging was quite productive today. compared to yest. mayb cos today more focused. haha. gosh, i loves tuesdays. i will dread tml. cos it will b the middle of the week and then, poof! the week will fly by and sch will start again. i don't want.

saw alot of ppl at bishan lib. like it is the local hangout for st nicks new and old. haha. whee. . .tml. hmm. i have no idea what i am doing tml. mug ba. but for now, i going to enjoy myself. hee. . .

sorry but i am not going to do things at ur own wishes. i am not that stupid anymore. it just made me realise how silly i was in the past. but luckily i realized it. i am not going to tell u the truth anymore. cos, you have not been fair either.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today was just a wet and soggy day. seriously. woke up at 10.30 just to do P and C of the hc paper which is realli difficult. sigh. then was distacted by my laptop PLUS the tv. sigh

then it was RAINING cat and dogs. then my sis took a huge umbrella to ascort me to bus stop. we haven walked until the flats when my shoes were soaked thru. then my mum called and ask me to take cab. then i not enuff money so had to call my maid to come out and take. called usarin to ask if she wanted to take cab also. . .

finally got a cab. i tink most of the drivers are BLIND. i was like waving frantically until my entire arm was wet. sigh. then had to tell the uncle where she stayed. which i have no idea. was like trying to direct the uncle to a place which i don't even know. it consisted of a series of turn lefts and turns rights and go straight. luckily manage to find the place soon but it was very ulu.

then had to pick up yun from nj bus stops cos according to her, the pathway was FLOODING. then dropped off at the bookshop area there. and was walking aimlessly. then physics lesson. . . i was just counting down to the time which lesson will end.

after tat, went wif usarin, boon jin and denny to j8. then. . . both of them DECIDED TO CALL two cabbages namely nicholoas and ngiam. haha. went to long john and usarin and i ate mos burger! then went to lib. . . so crowded! met alot of st nicks girls there. like yee ling! whee. then usarin and i abandon ship and sat at the tables. was muggin quite efficiently. peace and quiet XD and hwa chong paper is seriously difficult. the P and C is harder than nj's one. and the differentiation is killer. sigh.

scandals started flying. . . ppl were pairing usarin and norman up, usarin and ngiam up . . then me and boon jin up. . . gosh. the way the human mind works is just amazing. haha. then we went to eat at the s11 there. then on our way there, there was a toad croaking. sounded like a cow. then when we were walking back to j8. the stupid thing croak again then usarin and i screamed. then in front of us, a rat ran across. . . this equates to more screaming. i hate it.

then walked up suppose to watch movie but movie too late. . . then got this weird guy that i swear was stalking boon jin and i. he was like asking us if there was burger king. and then started talking some nonsense. then when we at the 4th floor. he was there again. then usarin and i walked away fast. . . and he followed us. . . die. even got four guys there he also follow. either the four guys are very weak which i can agree or that he had faith that i wouldnt kick him, that i would not agree.

then we went to cafe cartel to sit. hmm. some very interesting observations i made. realli interesting. then i was msging boon jin who was SO LOUSY that he got caught by usarin. sigh. noob. . . cannot b spy. surely get killled. usarin's death by chocolate milkshake realli is nice. . . can die due to overdosage of choc.

took mrt home wif boon jin. then. . .tat STUPID guy wasn't even stun la. haha. then sat there at bus stop talking. . . made him miss alot of buses. like two 132, 1 74 and 2 165. so nice. . . just pei me. of course i have to owe him la. you tink he THAT nice meh? haha. he tinks that i am just complicating my life even further when living itself is alr complicated. boon jin's personal msg is even. . . life is as complicated as it is..stop messing it up. GREAT. i hope i take his advice. but knowing my thinking mind. . . mayb not.

now doing differentiation hc. . . got jiin online to help me. whee. sigh. i am feelin sick again. i saw somethings that i shld have just ignored and not take it to heart. does it matter to me who you like? i tink it does. as long as i am not over you, it realli does. what happens if you find out. . . nothing will happen. our relationship will not change cos there wasn't one to start wif in the first place.

i hope that flo is available tml. i wanna go mug. cannot mug at home. sigh.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

great. . . i am feelin nauseous. the kind whereby you read or see something you don't want to see and feel like casting out your accounts over what you have seen. yes, i have seen your name online, on blogs and read what they haven written. and seriously, i feel like throwing up.

i just finished a romance novel by johanna lindsey then there was a part which the heroine is nauseous wherever the hero is near her. btw she mistook the sexual tension as nausea. however, whatever i am feelin now is NOT AND NEVER sexual tension. just disgust.

sigh, it is hard to like someone whereby the entire world seems to disapprove of. yun, jiin, flo even my sis la. i can't believe this. then jiin and my sis is asking me to consider another person and i was like going. . . -___-;; i mean like feelings cannot be helped one. if i had even a slightest choice, i would not have liked him. seriously. what for make my life so miserable? i am not tat sadistic. as much a i like to torture myself. i won't go that far.

the thing is that he knows about my scandals. yet, he doesn't show any reaction to them. it is so wth la. so mayb it was a good decision to give up on him now. but according to yun, she says i won't last. sometimes i also doubt myself.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

GREAT. boon jin made me send him the titantic song by celine dion and i listened to it and started emoing. great. then he say he also emoing but then he had to leave cos his bro wanted to use the com. then he say he had to leave me EMOING ALONE. great. . . ARE YOU READIN THIS NORMAN TAN BOON JIN?!

haha. i feel super bad. like his mysterious girl wu hui about him. who ask him so scandalous? and then drag me along wif him. my good name! i bet he is puking while he is reading this. haha. he la, ppl steal his hp also allow. no wonder he got so many scandals.

i am so in love with the gothic font la. was writin the headings of subjects in them. nice. my name looks super nice in it. haha. going to memorise how to write it. my pen is like no ink liao? wow, i realli didn't study today. and omg, it is 12 alr? so i didn't study yesterday. i told myself to slp at 10 plus. whee.

going to mug soon alr. quite fun leh some topics. but some like shit like tat. the entropy stuff plus ALL OF PHYSICS. econs still ok. sigh. . . promos. i wanna go out wif backrowers and wif jiin. xiang and sharon ditch me today. they went back to look for sharon's wallet. haha. but sharon called me but i didn't answer cos i was charging my phone. sigh

i realli dunno what i am doing nowadays. like suppose to mug and i am doing other things. and then i also dunno what i want out of us. i mean like i decided to give up but i think about him most of the time today. i realli dunno what to do. like i don't want a hot and cold friendship. i also don't want to keep being left behind. i am not happy this way. plus, i doubt i am even important. if i was, i wouldn't have to wait at all.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i did nothing but slack the entire day away. whee. . . just sat there and reading books. not textbooks. nothing to do with studies just in case boon jin suddenly screams 'MUGGING!' he is the mugger. not me. i won't have a PART 2 of mugging. haha

it is kind of funny. like when you have made up ur mind to give up on someone, you will find that he occupies ur thoughts more than before. yeah. it kind of sucks. i am not going to speculate anymore and second guessing ur actions. too tired for that.

fate played a trick on us or more on me. it was not suppose to happen this way. we weren't suppose to meet. i would have shared ur feelings and thoughts but then, i guess there is another that you prefer. so forget it. the sept hols are here. we did not even say good bye on a happy note. all you left was a bitter and sour taste in my mouth.

you say that sometimes i am unreasonable. but have you ever thought of how i feel about things? i don't want to continue with this friendship that is hot and cold. i need something more than that. and i guess, you won't be able to give it to me.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world