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When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

i never liked to play games
and i am tired of pouring out my heart

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

watching friends now. finished with energetics revision. happy.

gosh. super nice episode. with phoebe and mike's proposal.
it is like, at a basket ball game, during the intermission then on the big screen said, will you marry me? to another couple. then phoebe was like 'that is so tacky etc' and MIKE was suppose to propose to her in that way. ha.

then next, phoebe was feeling bad and in the next basket ball game, she proposed to him in that way and everyone was saying that mike had no balls.

then they went to a restaurant and phoebe was saying that the next time he propose be it at a ball game, on the sky line or like in cheesy movie where a lame guy put the ring in the cake. and mike had put the ring in the cake. super funny.

then he got on one knee, ask her if she will marry him. then she said yes. then the next dialogue was just heart melting
mike: i love you
phoebe: i love you more
mike: not possible

ahh. so sweet. i love friends. nice show. shall go and do econs soon. happy. piles and piles of hw but i don't seem to care. ah. super nice.

damn, i always get impressed at the get on one knee part. sweet.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

ate a nice lunch with my baby at pizza hut. ah. finally feeling better.

now doing on vectors. it is uber rusty. tend to think that integration and vectors are my strong topics in maths. now i must rethink again. ah.

because i am rather bored. i went to check up meanings of words online.

in wikipedia
Paranoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion.

in some online dictionary:
–noun :baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others

i am glad to say. I AM NOT PARANOID. the word is excessive.

now i shall look up the word self denial and self delusion.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

just woke up and it is now close to 10.30am. i am sure some people who are reading this post now would GASP IN HORROR. 10.30? and they would exclaim that they woke up at 7 plus to continue their mugging marathon. well, i am not a mugger. and i slept at 1-2 am yesterday. and yes, i treasure my complexion and my sleep more than studying. so there!

since i have almost nothing to blog about. i found a topic

ever imagine living the perfect life?

being born as the perfect baby to perfect parents and brought up in a perfect home. having perfect siblings and perfect relatives. being able to speak perfectly and walk perfectly. went to a perfect kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, junior college and university all while achieving perfect grades and having perfect friends. after graduating,have the perfect job with perfect salary then you meet the perfect guy or girl and have the perfect marriage and settle down and go on to have perfect children. and the cycle just continues on.

just saying, even while i was typing the above paragraph, i was totally bored. having a perfect life is boring. it is nothing much. it is not even worth having. i rather have alot of imperfections than to be perfect.

and because of that, don't even think that i have high expectations of anything or of anyone.

i hate judgements. because there is biasness involve.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

doing corrections for maths. at least feeling some what accomplished at my lousy afternoon of ds liting and watching friends and are you smarter than a fifth grader. the qns there are super lame. like. which of the choices have the number 7 in the tens place. A. 75, B 157. C 57. and seriously, the guy took quite some time to think of the answer.

chatting with audrey, yiwenwen and ji fan now. ah. NEVER TELL SECRETS TO AUDREY. she gets flustered and everything just spills out. was sitting with her, sijia and melissa during lunch and guess wad. i sort of can guess who is patrick's secret admirer alr. i swear i didnt' do any major manipulation or anything,.

ah. SHE FINALLY ADMITTED WHO. gosh. and i told sijia that i would take me less than a week to get it out of her. it took less than 12 hours. ah. i should be some interrogating person. surely win.

gosh. i wanna play matchmaker so badly. but rmb, don't tell audrey secrets. haha. super fun to disturb her. i shall go play somemore.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sigh. annoyance still there.

was playing with my sis ds lite. some game called cooking mama. and seriously, even in com games, i can't cook. ha. lame game.

watching friends and reading up on quantum physics now. super sleepy. shall go touch chem tomorrow. tml is chem day.

STILL TRANSPARENT.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i just finished bathing.

today's mood is ANNOYED. so annoyed that i want to beat someone up.

went to school. about half of my class was gone. and no one said anything. nvm. at least i had my yiwenwen and gracie pooh to mug with me for the first two periods. finished all my stats like finally. ponned maths lect with gracie pooh then after that went for chem lect which yiwenwen saved seats.

i think i zihighed too much during the chem lect. too tired now. sigh. after that was free period. ate lunch. haha. koped deng's fries and chicken cutlet. the caifan auntie very good mood today. gave me alot of dong fen! was listening to ipod again with yiwenwen. haha.

then gp. was asking mrs nair about gp then booked consultation with her. i am going to be a gp pro. went through the article and did an aq when my brain was dying.

lunch went down then went to find yiwenwen and usarin. then went for maths. got relief teacher. she is nice and could ask her any qn. gosh. the solutions to qn that i don't know is super lame one. very lame. then chem. MR WEE KNOWS MY NAME! haha. entropy. not too bad i guess.

after that, went home with usarin. yes, i am scared of commitment. i don't want to commit to the wrong person. that is all.

and today, i think i ate too much dong fen until i became transparent. cause that is how i felt, transparent. damn annoyed. damn annoyed.

i am not going to ask anything. not going to say anything. you know why? cause i am freaking transparent.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today was a please shoot me before i die day.

morning was ok. met clement on the way to school. assembly was just boring. gp was helping ek ping draw the disney font for her inorganic chem coverpage and that took one hour of gp. yes, it is hard to draw it. mrs nair was going through racial issues which i was listening while drawing.

chem lecture was just copy. mr wee was lecturing. super lame one. after that, free period, ate chai fan with yun. then after that econs lecture. not too bad. then after that free period. was doing my case study with daph!

then lunch spent at tb31. was listening to my mp3 with yiwenwen! haha. she likes the songs that i like! e.g 'case of the ex', 'heaven' 'so in love with two'. she was just happy.

then double period econs. i was super sleepy but the lesson was fun. alot of laughter during the case study, happy.

then went to co room for a while. was teaching uncle trick integration. haha. the stakes are up again. if i get A for prelim for maths, he treat me watch movie and POPCORN! i think B is without popcorn. ah. now motivated to pia maths. he say if ALL A, he sponsor me to go overseas. ah. super high stakes. but with chem and econs, very hard to get A. gp also. sigh.

then went canteen and walk out with yiwenwen and joson cai. haha. super sleepy now.

i don't understand how can you be so selfish. i really felt made use of. really felt made use of. it is times when i feel this way that i don't even want to stay near you.

tomrrow is a stick to yiwenwen day cause every lesson same except for gp. shall mug.

oh yeah, before i go to bed and forget

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

super sleepy right now.

doing hypo testing. last chapter before i am done for my revision for all the stats. sigh. case study later. great. my posts are getting boring since i write what i do. tsk.

the first question of hypothesis testing is quite a turn off. why? cos it measures lizards. anyone who knows me well should know that i hate lizards. i freak out when there are lizards. i can cry when i see a lizard. yeah, that is pretty much all. haha.

caal sucks. couldn't even leave school early today cause no teacher would sign the blue slip. wasted time until 1 plus before could leave. i finally bought my bus concession. i have no idea if i bought it correctly but i made it start tomorrow. HA. no idea at all. whee! today first time buying concession, shall mark it down on my calendar.

that was uber cool. now i am sneezing away but i feel like sleeping. sad.

happy day today. gosh. i am going crazy. silly things make me happy. great. i am so easily pleased.

say goodbye
as we dance with the devil tonight
trying to find true love
along broken road that led me to you

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

gosh. my convos with clement are always so rubbishy. super funny

[SueN][chanel] she's been living in her uptown world says:
but at least can be confirmed tat i will be faithful
clement~its like i've waited my whole life for this one night says:
i think you would be a very clingy gf
clement~its like i've waited my whole life for this one night says:
those kind that go
clement~its like i've waited my whole life for this one night says:
"i msged you 5 mins ago! why haven't you replied? are you CHEATING ON ME?'

gosh. super funny. nah. if that guy cheated, he is so going to die. but i won't cheat. just flirt? HAHA. yeah 9 white rose and 1 red one. i am submissive and yet i can control my husband. my husband will be a future wimp? nope. i never like henpecked guys.


clement~its like i've waited my whole life for this one night says:
you're gonna get your first kiss when you're like 19!
clement~its like i've waited my whole life for this one night says:
LOL
[SueN][chanel] she's been living in her uptown world says:
HA
[SueN][chanel] she's been living in her uptown world says:
who said i still have my first kiss
clement~its like i've waited my whole life for this one night says:
since you're from st nicks
clement~its like i've waited my whole life for this one night says:
i bet it was a girl

ha. i will NEVER kiss a girl. on cheek maybe. i am straight. i am not even bi.

finished normal distribution alr. left hypo to finish up all my stats. tml starting on electro chem! happy. gosh. i like this topic.

was super bored just now so was drawing a coverpage for my inorganic chem notes. it is pretty. really cute. ah. shall take a pic of it and post it up next time.

baby baby
oh please don't leave me
don't leave me
all by myself.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

had a super nice sleep. yes, yest i was in a good mood mode. happily doing binomial, poisson and normal distribution. note, i don't do selected qn. i do everything cause i think it looks ugly to have like questions like 1 and 4 on the paper without and 3 in between.

haha. even teddy was asking why i keep hahaing away on the convo yest. the art of doing the caal thing. bullshitting. was doing like 6 cca stuff. i mean, how much can you write for 6 performances? boon jin helped in some. ah. i guess i am not such a thick skin person after all.

just woke up. sleepy still. doing some random things online first before plunging into piles of hw and revision. maths should be ok. physics should be ok. chemistry is like. DIE. unless it is the calculation part. god. i only do well for parts which need to press the calculator. why why?

in secondary school, i did better for subs that need massive memorization. now? isn't chem part of some massive memorization? maybe i just need to sit down the let the info infiltrate in. haha. i was multitasking. changing the wmv files to mpeg4 files. then turns out that my converter will only convert 5 minutes of the wmv files and half of the file if the wmv is below five min. so i went to extend the videos i wanted. feeling so proud of myself rite now.

you put on a smile on my face
just to wipe it off later.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

whee. had subway for dinner. bought my sis who went amk hub to fix her laptop. her ds lite should put a note there saying 'not suitable for dingdongs'. she didn't know that the memory card cannot be inserted directly to her laptop, now end up. it can't be taken out. have to go down to wisma atria to have it fix. dingdong.

then she was hungry so i went downstairs to ask my maid if have food
me: ivy, still have the sausage that my mum bought?
ivy: the chinese one?
me: no, the english sausage.

only when the words came out of my mouth then i realise how ridiculous it sounded. after that, ivy came up to give my sis food and she was laughing the entire way. ah. i didn't mean it in that way. you know how sometimes words said can come out totally wrong? yes, it ALWAYS happen to me.

now doing some IT stuff. was doing maths just now. IT stuff is totally more enjoyable than maths. if i had gone poly, would have taken up IT. sigh.

wondering if i made the wrong choice now.

have to fill up caal. filled up the concert part only. it totally sucks. how much reflections can one write anyway?

please don't come around telling me that you have changed
that you just want to play mind games

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

pictures! kind of tired having my blog being all filled with words. i wonder what ever happened to the no blogging until after prelims. bleh.

pardon the alot of pics of me. since my sis was taking like mad and didn't take any of herself, it can't be helped. haha






things we ate were, clam chowder soup, swordfish collar and seafood platter for one. the swordfish collar was a huge mistake. it was nice and all but it is HUGE. furthermore, there was a jelat feeling after eating half of it. bleh. aha.

shall go do maths now. i heart maths so much that i am neglecting the other subs. doing chem soon.

why on earth did i choose a 160GB ipod. i mean i filled in like 369 songs and i only used like 1.9 GB. sigh.

hungry now. haven eaten breakfast and sleepy since i slept at 2. die. my complexion is going to die. and yes, i believe in this. ha.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i totally wasted my time. zzz.

went out dinner at fish and co with my sis and end up. . .

went to some ulu some in amk central to buy her ds lite. took one hour to choose 40 games to put inside. end up, the stupid nets machine there spoilt. paid 50 deposit. went to amk hub, found one shop that sold the same ds lite for 2 dollars cheaper for the LOCAL ONE, instead of the export one and the warranty is 3 months instead of one. went back to the ulu shop to try to get back the deposit. cannot, end up having to choose 50 worth of things there.

she is totally impulsive. firstly, buying from ulu shops have its risk. secondly, the guy in the amk hub stall is totally cute. i mean you have a cute guy and on top of it it is cheaper and longer warranty. his name is adrian but i think out of ns alr. plus the girl there was also very nice and friendly and we had a chat. fun.

went to buy my ipod casing. then i saw the zen. gosh. i wanted it. then i was telling my sis that i would trade my ipod classic for a zen, then this store person was like saying, you would trade? then say that ipod sound quality nicer. not worth it. then end up chatting about technological devices again. today has its benefits

shall do work now. didn't do much today. sigh. i washed my furry hp chain and i think i made a mistake in doing so.

some ppl should choke on popcorn. zzz.
go bury yourself below the couple seat and choke on lover's combo

funny thing is that it is my pm now and jun was like, i don't mind choking on lover's combo. i asked why and his reply was, i like popcorn.

shall go and blow dry my furry hp chain. sigh.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sigh. shld have ponned sch today. econs lecture was nothing much. maths lecture i totally wasn't listening. chem lesson was going through the eqm test paper. i got like 17/25. i wasted five marks due to ultimate carelessness and blindness for not reading the paper. maths was free due to mr chee in reservice. end up, i ended school at 10.30.

was eating lunch with the rest and was playing with hp. nothing much. not feeling all that well since abit flu and sleepy.

love sick: adj

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

http://my-tonguecanbeatupyours.blogspot.com/2008/07/question-just-for-thought-have-you-ever.html

my sis wrote a post specially for that guy that tagged on my blog. i would have told her not to bother but then, nvm. she asked me to post it up somemore.

now i am just meddling with my new ipod. trying to get a hang of it. took me 1 and 1/2 hour to figure out how to put songs in. pardon my dumbness since i have never touched ipod at all and i have been using creative for so long.

shall go and pack my bag and sleep soon. super tired. damn. i haven done anything constructive today except sleep.

my mum is back! finally. after two weeks. she bought alot of coach bags. nice. got shirts and sweater. this is coming from a woman who says she has no time to shop. and most bought from miami. she says miami is nicer than hong kong. good. but i am happy that she is back!

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today was acting on monday's timetable which means, a ratherly slack day. but it started early instead of the usual 8.30 assembly.

chem lecture was just trying to listen. brough the wrong notes along. econs was good. at least understood externalities, market failure. gp was rather interesting. haha. the passage given to us to read was so filled with biasness that it was laughable.

free period. was playing guitar hero's on boon jin's hp. was doing the personality quiz on yun today. haha. then assembly in the hall. nothing much except talking about eagles award.

left school around 1 plus with audrey and sijia. 74 took super long to come. was just catching up since with prelims coming and all, there isn't much time to do other stuff.

met up with darr to get some stuff then after that it was home. have a long list of things to do today.

it gets annoying when people tag on your blog and they start commenting on what you type, what you do in life. it is a blog. it is for MY OWN typing. not for your viewing pleasure.

to anonymous: i am sorry that your life is so perfect that when people start complaining about theirs, it pisses you off and you feel the need to comment. but i don't need your comments. and if you are not happy, don't read my blog, don't even enter. since you are so unhappy, what for torture yourself? if i needed opinions about how to handle my life, i will ask. so thanks for offering but there is no need. are you even facing your own life? the fact that you even have time to leave behind unnecessary comments means you have alot of free time. furthermore, you don't even have the right to judge others. so just stop. whether my password is lousy or not, i don't care. ha, are you sure that i don't know how to find out other people's passwords as well? don't think so highly of yourself. i don't need your comments. just don't read my blog. simple. i don't need you to read it.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

can people stop giving out my password to this blog? annoying you know. if i wanted people to freely advertise my blog password, i wouldn't put up a password in the first place. anyone who wants to read my blog, ASK ME FOR THE PASSWORD. i don't need free middle man since i am not going to pay you for helping me advertise.

today was rather brain draining. morning was maths which was probability. it is amazing how many diff ways can be used to come out with the answer. then next was free period. spent in canteen with the rest before going for chem. reaction kinetics! urgh. nothing much to say.

lunch was spent in lt 1 just chatting and playing bridge. it is nice to chat with people around you. especially when everyone is so stress over exams. i mean studying should be mostly done at home or when you are alone. cause you will be missing out a lot of your jc life.

gp, mrs nair was not around. was playing guitar heros' on lynette's hp. haha. jamie is lousy. ok, both of us are equally lousy

gc was spent in tb31 trying to study or talking. had a huge headache by the time maths started. the paper was hard. it is very very tedious. sigh. but i think can pass. but not sure how good is the pass. ha.

after that, walked out with boon jin. usarin, denny, yun. was at macritchie when decided to go to eat prata! usarin so happy la. mushroom cheese prata! ate and chatted. lame stuff. there was this personality quiz that boon jin asked long time ago. sheep and giraffe! me and usarin had alot in common. HA. but 9 white roses and 1 red rose. sigh.

after that took bus back home. super tired now. going to do some hw soon.

if people are not happy over what is written in on my blog, they can just not read. i am not forcing them to read. irony is that they are reading out of their own will. if you are not happy, i don't see why it is my fault.

everyone have been living different lives, so what if i am spoilt? at least i care to admit that. i am not some bloody coward that put under anonymous. if you dare to type on my tagboard, then put your name there. not happy, don't read. simple. no idea why people want to make their lives so complicated for wad.

because i am in a good mood, shall not bother much. ha. if i bothered means i care. the thing is, i don't. coward.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

because i am so pissing fed up with maths. with probability and all.
annoying. bleh.

to zathy

'talk about materialistic, after dropping YOUR mp3, you made a call to someone ALL THE WAY IN MIAMI, that you wanted an IPOD. And even this year after I got mine, you made a call to someone ALL THE WAY IN SHANGHAI saying it wasn't fair, & that you wanted one too.'

please refrain from posting things that you don't know. number 1, i didn't make a phone call to miami at all. i am not that dumb to even waste phone bills to call. number 2, i never wanted an IPOD. number 3, i didn't make any phone calls about mp3 or ipods. is they call me one. so please get your bloody facts straight.

and regarding materialistic

'1) When M bought the diamond earrings, you just took it and wore it.'
if you don't know details. don't even comment. you weren't even at home when she said that i can have the earrings. yeah. and she is only humouring you cause she knows that you will get angry if i get earrings too

'3) When I wanted a PSP, YOU kept insisting that you wanted one too. And this, you can't deny.'
yes i cannot deny that i wanted a psp. but after a while, i decided against it. i am not the person who has been posting psp and ds lite photos on my blog. and please, you are posting rubbish. trying to be xiaxue? try harder.

'5) You said Baleno, Hangten, Bata are INFERIOR brands. If you weren't materialistic, you would wear ANYTHING, no matter what brand they are.'
well, they are inferior brands. and i don't see you buying clothes from there also.

'6) Oh, and her wishlist wrote "a huge balloon, camera, wallet, bag, accessories" These things are SO noy materials man!'
do you know what is a wishlist? if wishes always come true, i don't see yours coming true.

'8) Oh, and everytime we go out, we don't go to hawker centres and eat, NOOOO. We always go to CRYSTAL JADE at Taka (Her choice)'
oh really? recently someone said that she wanted ice cream. where? want to go anderson at amk hub to eat ice cream rite?

'9) And does she go popular to get the romance novels she wants? OF COURSE NOT! She goes to KINO. So not materialistic right? And very high class some more!'
no one said kino was high class. it is the same price. it is cheaper than comic connection. like i said, please get your facts straight.

furthermore, i never once said that i was not materialistic. yes, i am no angel. but compared to you? please do some self reflection.

most ridiculous blog post i have ever read. wasted my time trying to post this up.

the bottom line is, i don't give a damn. no use worrying late at night when she is going to come back. when she don't pick up her calls. waiting UP for her at night for her to come back even though i have school the next day. i find then once i have reached this stage, it makes my life so much easier. can sleep whatever time i want. lesser worries. lesser problems. anything happens to her also can don't really give much of a damn.

yes i am stubborn. or rather, i don't wish to bother about this anymore.
yes i am cruel, nasty, cold hearted bitch. whatever. at least i can admit to this.

all in all, i am not going to pretend that i am not angry.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

this is the LAST TIME I AM TOUCHING THIS LAPTOP.

going to swear off internet until after prelims. feel like throwing all technological devices away. i LOVE ENERGETICS. it is fun. i am not lying.

but i hate reaction kinetics. i can't do it at all.

if it is the last thing i do, i am going to try to ace that statistic exam on wednesday. although i haven done any revision for statistics. but going to try my best. smile.

energetics!!! no reaction kinetics. er. i can't remember what other hw i have though.

31 DAYS TO PRELIMS.

the wake up call came too late i guess. i was just sitting and thinking about my future and i was like, i don't want to waste this chance and then regret it. although it is only 31 days. one month but seriously, miracles can happen. it is only if you want it to happen onot.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

just woke up. was suppose to wake up at 8.30 to do work but i woke up like an hour later.

OMG. I JUST RMB THAT I WAS SUPPOSE TO CALL JUN. ah. no wonder i had two missed calls on my hp at like 11 plus pm when i was already asleep. i suck at returning calls.

ok. i am sneezing like mad now. sick? not sure. it would explain the recent stomach aches and head aches i have been experiencing.

reading through reaction kinetics now. going to do the hw later. complex numbers revision is half way through. i can do complex numbers XD provided they don't screw the question up and start asking for rubbish things.

ECONS CHAP 11, 12, 13! case study test tomorrow. groans. sucky. plus i am taking the maths test on wednesday instead of on friday cause it made no sense for me to stay back until 3.40 when i end at 11.40 just to take a two hour long test. although i would probably score better on friday seeing i have two extra days to take the test. plus i can ask people for the answers but nvm. COMPLEX NUMBERS + STATISTICS. i heart collinear and hypothesis. the rest of the topics can be the reason why i may fail the test.

after reading my sis's blog. she is the most materialistic person i have ever seen. PSP? now what DS LITE? crazy. waste of money. the stupid technological world is just screwing humans over by letting them have more materialistic things. ha. your quantitative aspect of life may increase but parent's stress level increase, worsen relationship with everyone cause one is indulge in a virtual world. selfish.

p.s dear sis, i have not forgiven you. and i am not a push over. plus you can eat those three cookies by yourself cause i am sure as hell not going to eat them. i can buy my own. don't bloody need you to buy anything for me.

am i being mean? yes. i don't believe because people give way and you must forgive them. there was no sorries even being involved. don't even know why she was in the wrong. accuse me of lying. wanted to rub something into my face on friday. no, i don't forget all this. right now, i don't even care what she does. i have my own life.

going to have a hectic week. i can feel it.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

fate played a cruel trick on me.
it is ironic. super ironic
2 calls. 2 different people
what is the link?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

ok. since i didn't have any photo of the birthday boy in my com. i just koped from his friendster. XP haha. great guy in many ways. loves to talk crap. future commando. extremely metrosexual. unsure of his sexual orientation O.O haha. but fun guy to be with and he is the guy on the 74. haha. may we meet on 74 again!



just woke up. sleepy in many ways. trying to read through complex numbers and then try to do the revision package. feeling thoroughly demoralised. ha.

kk. shall go back to work doing. my work done is = force X distance. since i haven moved from the spot that i am sitting in. my distance equals to zero. then my work done = 0. this is for all those that said that i have done alot. how can it be when my work done = zero?!

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am so fucking pissed right now.

zoe-anne teo hui yi, you can fucking go out for all i can. i hope you never come back.

super pissed off with her right now. damn it.

and she was the one that said i was unreasonable. how ironic can it get?

so angry that i am tearing right now.

she went out watch movie at 3.30pm. i asked her if she can buy food for me. i msged her, she didn't reply. then i saw her online, i asked her. she said OK. she agreed to buy for me. then after that, i msged her that if she was buying the dinner or else i ask ivy to cook dinner. she didn't even reply. i went to sleep. she msg me at 6.45 saying that she coming back late as she was watching ANOTHER MOVIE. i called her, she said she was ALREADY IN THE CINEMA. and that she coming back at 8-9pm. and that she bought my food already which is turning cold or that she haven buy it yet.

how bloody irresponsible can she can? i msged her to tell her off and she reply that i was unreasonable. i don't bloody need her to buy food for me. i can ask ivy to cook. it is just that, she agreed to buy so i don't need ivy to cook. now she telling me that she coming back late and it may be around 9? don't even have the decency to reply msg. don't even have the decency to msg say that she was going to watch another movie until she was ALREADY IN THE CINEMA. her excuse was that it was impromptu. HOW FUCKING IMPROMPTU CAN IT GET?

she don't have the manners to apologize and anyhow accuse me of going out yesterday without telling her. bloody liar. i told her on wednesday. i even asked her if she was coming back early on thurs then i say that i will be late. i even told ivy not to cook dinner for me yesterday. and before i coming back, i even msg zoe to tell her that i coming back already.

go accuse for all you want. i got evidence that i told you. she has no right to say me. i cook dinner on wednesday, she say she coming back early to eat. end up, around 7 she not at home. call her hp also off. couldn't bloody get hold of her. end up i had to msg her friend to ask her if my sis was with her. zoe called back and say that she was having SUDDEN DANCE PRACTISE. and she was coming back around 8. don't even have the initiative to borrow another person's hp to msg.

if anyone buys her bloody excuses, you are the biggest naive fool on earth. she is one that lives by her hp. she has TWO. super angry right now. i haven eaten anything since last night. i was expecting her to buy food for me, now end up nothing.

she say i making an issue over food. HA. like real. i could have asked my maid to cook for me. nothing wrong. i won't even get angry that she nv buy. the thing is that she say that SHE WAS BUYING.

thanks alot my dearest sister. i hope you rot in hell.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today official sucked.

it is not a TGIF day at all. not at all. anyone who wants to know the meaning, ask me online.

had stomach ache since wed. number of times which it striked was to seven. TODAY WAS THREE. it totally sucked. like in the middle of lecture had to rush out. during lessons just feel so miserable and in pain. lunch and free period couldn't eat anything at all because i was too in pain and too busy going toilet.

i haven eaten anything at all today. not since yest 8pm. it makes it close to 18 hours without food. i think it will extend until super long. no appetite and whatever goes it, i will have stomach ache.

good things about today, econs and maths lecture. had jun to distract me. mini bridge session with shen chen, cheryl and lusandra. other than that, nothing good. should have pon school today since i woke up feeling unwell. yiwen didn't go to school today. X(

girls are totally sensitive and kind and nice. people like yun, usarin, sara, grace, daph was so nice to ask me how i was feeling and ask me to take care. guys suck. they either DON'T ASK or like joson ask if i had cramps or stomach ache. whack him.

i think i will be going for prom. but 10 people per table. i think will be sharing table with usarin, joson, boon jin, teddy, yiwen. that makes up six already. swathi and sara? sigh. i don't mind anything. just as long more people go and people i like go.

it is funny how you were talking about someone yest and he appears from behind you. it is scary. things are becoming more normal already between me and him. like last time. i wonder if anything happened.

another reason why today sucked. is what is going to happen later. while i am in pain and problem trying to sleep my pain away. someone is going to enjoy.

don't disappoint me.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

damn. the talk with yun had me thinking. and then ironically, he initiated convo. something which he never do. but then the only thing is that, i don't feel anything about it. just surprised. not evern remotely happy

i guess his place has been taken over by another.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am never going to touch cooking ever again. never. never. never.
it is unfair that i have to wake up 2am in the morn cause of stomachache, go toilet, go back to sleep, wake up again at 4am to go toilet and then go back to sleep. this results in lack of sleep.

i woke up earlier and took a super early bus to school. reached at 7am. i have a lousy junior. his name is patrick tan ser hua. firstly, he was late when we were suppose to mug tgt at 7.15, he reached at 7.40am. secondly, he psed me and went to mug with his friends! i disown this junior liao.

jamie kept to disturb me when i was doing physics mcq. gah. she wrote rubbish on my paper la. then gladys came to join us. lol. i think she is a masochist. she enjoys getting bullied by jamie and i. haha. digging her won grave. free entertainment. ooo.

econs was ok. not that bad. at least absorbing something. then chem lecture was ok. sleepy. break was ok. gp was writing essay. lunch was dong fen and hanging out with yiwen and grace. then the rest came.

i got free romance movie today. HOW OBVIOUS CAN IT GET? ah. boon jin and i felt damn awkward but lucky i didn't sit where yun and usarin were sitting. free romance.

sara told me a story that seriously make me curse all other guys in general. especially . . . GLARES. it is a true story.

this guy Z liked this girl R since j1 year. but he proposed to her twice and she rejected. but they still hang out together. one day, they were out with other then Z asked R what time she has to go home. just then, her mum called. R said that she needed to go home but Z asked for fifteen minutes of her time. Z brought R to clarke quay and R wasn't very happy as it was far from her house. Z brought R to the bridge as R once said that the bridge was the most romantic place on earth. Z gave R a white handkerchief and told her that he remembered that she likes snowflakes. R opened the handkerchief and inside was a snowflake necklace and on the handkerchief, Z had sewn 'will you be my girlfriend' on it. then Z went on one knee and asked her. and luckily she accepted.

does this sound like a totally cliche story? it happened to two people in njc. true story. after i heard it, my heart just melted. usarin had goosebumps. super sweet. first time usarin agreed with me that the guy is super nice and sweet and that LIFE WAS UNFAIR. i agree. can't get enough of this story. ah;.

physics was ok. not that bad. interesting? after that, went out with my honey yun. lol. shall blog about it tomorrow since i am tired and have stomach ache again. reached home at ten plus. super tired. ah.

life is SO UNFAIR.

sigh. was talking to yun about somethings. more of the past rather than the present. i asked her if i had a chance with him back then. she said that it was most likely that it was possible. she even asked him, except his reply was that both of us were too similar in a way that we think too much. therefore, it became impossible. yeah, she said that if i didn't think too much, the chance was 100 percent. how ironic can this get? two people that are similar cannot be tgt cause they are TOO similar. the thing was that, i knew he didn't mind the difference in family background. irony. but never mind, over it already since it was so long ago. but just can't help but to sigh. . .

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

want to know what is ironic?
you go figure it out.

two words: screw you

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i recalled something. you once said that because i didnt' say so, that is why you didn't do so.
can you please then explain what the hell happened?
apparently, no matter what i say, you still won't do so
so stop give empty promises.
they are hollow.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today is not a very good day

guessed couldn't expect everyday to be good. sigh. but three days of good days in a row would be nice. skip assembly, it was super infuriating. maths was just question marks. i hate complex numbers. i really dislike it. but i must force myself to like it since i like maths. urgh.

free period was in library doing acid base. studying alone is super conducive for me. yeah, i am a closet mugger, so what? chem was just trying to absorb. not so bad. lunch was DONG FEN! i like dong fen. i have been like eating the same thing EVERYDAY. and i am not sick of it so far. dong fen! it was an interesting lunch. obvious. damn obvious. anyway, i confirmed one thing.

econs lecture was just copying. sat with jun. then clement and shihao joined us. haha. that bai chi kept nodding off. clement was just using his hp and me being diligent, was copying down things.

gp was waste of time. sigh. but jim was being nice and writing things down on transparency. then he and ek ping started talking about pregnancy since we were doing on marriage was neither necessary nor desirable. haha. then jim was saying that in one class, if you don't get pregnant, you will be outcast. then ekping was like, so you are one of the causes? LOL. super funny. i didn't contribute to this convo at all. although i did say that marriage was unnecessary and undesirable.

then caal nothing much. went to canteen to mug. patrick was there. so joson, yiwen and i joined him. integration is fun. i hate complex. so weird. complex hw is due on fri and i was doing integration which is due next week. ha.

left around 5 with yiwen, patrick and jamie, and patrick's fren. LOL. turns out that his fren was in harmoc. scandal. tsk.

jamie is crazy. according to her, i am mrs dumb and she is mrs stupid. ah. i have no idea why she wants to be that.

headache now. i hate mugging. later have to read through some notes. sigh. i am starting to get worried. seriously, i may fail prelims.

come as you are
don't change a thing
open your heart
he'll walk right in

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am feeling abit pissed off now. found out that only can get my mp3 perhaps next friday. bloody hell. then i have no idea what i am going to do in the mean time.

damn it. really feel like just getting the bloody thing over and done with. curse.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today was a rather happy yet tiring day.

super lack of sleep. slept like close to 1 and when i woke up, i could hardly get out of bed. left the house at 6.45. caught the super early bus but it was still crowded. zzz. planned to catch the bus early so that can sit and sleep. end up only sitting near macritchie reservoir. stupid.

reached school at 7.05am. met shihao at the bus stop. haha. keep meeting cat high guys on the bus. first was clement, then shihao. tsk.

happy during gc lesson. XD. no mp3 so had to borrow from yiwen or else i will be distracted and start to talk. did case study finish. haha.

maths lesson was nice. went through de. i didn't do so i was just copying and just promising myself to do the rest of the hw. maths lecture, yiwen sara and i went to sit on top. bad move. half way, she spotted this bloody fking asshole digging his nose. in the middle of lecture. he was sitting at the end of the row and there was like an aisle and five seats up between us and him. i wished sara didn't tell me. we were so grossed out for like twenty minutes or so. that fking bastard kept digging his nose for like ten minutes. just kept digging and digging as though there is gold there. sara was saying how much dirt could he possibly have in his noise. then it went along the lines that he liked putting his finger in his noise. sicko.

the most insulting thing was that, he turned behind, sara said she glared at him but then he turned back and continued to dig his noise. wth. sara was like covering her mouth, her eyes were filled with tears like she was going to puke. super sick. i was just laughing though. cause sara was goin 'think happy thoughts, of roses and daisies'

i told people that if i found out his name, i would publish it on my blog, so here is goes:
ONG ENG YIAN IS ONE FKING SICK BASTARD WHO CAN GO ROT IN HELL. INCONSIDERATE JERK. YOU THINK YOU SO BLOODY GOOD LOOKING THAT YOU CAN DO THINGS AND PEOPLE DON'T MIND? WRONG! YOU ARE DAMN UGLY.

he is from s14. and i am not kidding about the damn ugly part. he looks like a flat face.

it totally killed my appetite. lucky i had pe after that. floor ball! nice. gladys was threatening to kill me with a hockey stick. lucky i not same group as her nor playing against her. haha.

after that, went for chem. it was ok i guess. super tired though. econs was just droning on and on. my brain was switching off. lunch was ok. i wonder if s19 is going for prom. it will be totally cool if we all went. serious.

the theme this year is lights camera action i think. can dress up as stars. suggesting that aidan dress up as james bond, teddy as bat man, boon jin as borat etc. LOL.

physics was boring. i didn't do mcq so was trying not to absorb so that i can do it next time. tralala. i don't have to go for physics remedial! off the list. thank god. but i think i will drop by. after that was chem consolidation, i hated it. the test was so. . . it is not hard. it just reminded me of how much i haven studied for chem. sucks. need to start soon.

went home with usarin! had a nice chat. hee. gosh. she is so cute la. she is usarin the pokemon. i didn't know that there was pokemon called usarin.

i cooked dinner. linguine! ok. directions to cook. first cook the linguine. in case many of you don't know, linguine is a type of pasta, closely related to spaghetti but it is flatter. stir fry the onions and garlic, throw in the prawns and squid and sausages, put pepper. i use those black peppers that you have to grind. then poor some hua diao jiu inside. add water. . . throw in the linguine.

it is nice. i swear. just spontaneous cooking. it is fun. although suppose to pour in white wine in actual fact but i just use hua diao jiu since i didn't find the need to waste one bottle of white wine for cooking. until i finished eating that i realised that hua diao jiu had an alcohol content of over 16 percent. lol. but cannot taste the alcohol although it smelled nite.

super happy. replied my dad's email and he didn't say much about buying a new mp3. my mum just called. ALL THE WAY FROM MIAMI. it is like 12 hours behind now and she just woke up there being 6am plus. told her about my mp3 and she say can buy either creative or ipod. i told her to help me check out ipod in miami cause it is suppose to be cheaper there. but i still favour creative.

i shouldn't ask for 2nd opinions but it is intriguing to know that most people favour ipod. i wonder why. nah, my decision won't sway. i decided since yest afternoon. nicholas wanted to kill me though. haha.

doing acid base now. piles of hw. sigh. shall slp early today. i am shacked.

perhaps if you showed a little bit of your heart
then i wouldn't think that you were heartless.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

three hours of sleep make me feel like such a pig. went back to sleep after my aunt came and just koed for two hours.

woke up to a cold dinner that my dad's aunt brought. super sleepy. have been asking people between ipod and mp3. two say ipod. to be fair, it was boon jin and brendan and being brothers, they naturally have the inclination to agree with each other. totally diff from me and my sis. we will differ like siao.

my junior's remark was don't know. the guy that added me on viwawa say don't know. i must ask a girl cause the guys around me seem to be totally IT idiots. zzz. must find out about functions, the time it takes to download to mp3, the battery life, the range of sound, the quality of sound etc. the LOOK doesn't matter.

reading exchange rate now. going to do case study soon. but i abit lagging. brain quite sleepy still. D=

btw, CLEMENT YAP IS GAY!

haha. trying to help him come in terms with his sexuality. poor guy. XD

finally, nicholas is like the best guy so far to ask about IT stuff. although he was talking about itouch. lol.

pretty baby
why can't you see it?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

urgh. i hate making decisions. no wonder i despaired when i dropped my mp3. it is a choice between brands of mp3. the zen vs the ipod. then if choose one, it is between the models.

ipod has been something that i wanted. but ever since i see my sis using it, to me, it is like nothing much. my sis has the ipod classic. big bulky. whoever ask me to get the itouch can just go die. i hate touch screen phones. although ipod looks classier. but then. . . don't know why. urgh.

there is also the problem of ipod using itunes to download music. which is generally troublesome. believe me. i have had a midi player before. i know how it sort of works. and it is troublesome.

so which one, zen or ipod?! if zen, then must tell my aunt since creative going to moe to sell creative stuff. if ipod, then must call my mum since she in miami and it is cheaper there. bleh. SO WHICH ONE? dilemma. can someone enlighten me?

ok this is ironic since i have been studying gadgets for most of my life and i should have more knowledge than an average person. lol. but please give me opinions. cause i am an indecisive dingdong.

urgh. stupid decisions. it is life threatening since it will be with me for the next four years. until i decide to drop it onto the floor and then end up cursing over it.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today was actually a happy day.

just didn't feel much. chem lecture was just happy XD but it was going rather slowly that i was wondering did time stop. econs tutorial was much better since i actually bothered to read the notes. haha.

then gp. waste of time. lucky i did the aq so my group just took my aq as guideline to present. YES, mrs nair said that it was good. haha.compared to the other group as the ohp decided to screw us over. so even when we changed classroom, the ohp also spoilt. so had to write answers on the board. happy.

then free period. ate with boon jin, yiwen and joson. crappish again. nah, i will never have more than one husband. please, me liking one person already cannot handle, if have so many husbands, i think i can just kill myself. it is amazing how much i can crap.

contact was waste of time. went home after that. before leaving, saw kimyong and wee siang with gladys. XD the more she denies, the more she was digging her grave. haha. it went like this
me: so you shared sofa with norman?
gladys: NO NO. we share with another girl
me: O.O three people?
gladys: no! we were not sleeping
me: GOSH.
then kimyong and weesiang were just adding on. super funny. this is really called zi jue fen mu. i never do anything somemore. haha.

super sad now. i was at the gate taking out my house keys to open the side gate and i dropped my mp3 on the car porch. then until now, it can't work. it just hangs at the opening screen. super sad.

my aunt called to check and i told her that my mp3 spoil and she was so nice enough to want to sponsor another one for me. sigh. but i think i shall go buy one myself. now don't know take what only. super sad. i didn't want to spoil that mp3. it has significant meaning to it. i mean. . . nvm.

sigh. this sucks. now all my songs inside are ALL GONE. like damn. nvm. in hard drive should still have. it is the trouble of transferring that puts me off. i want all my other songs back.

stop smiling
my heart is caving in

- - - -
was browsing the internet. i totally crossed out ipod. my sis was like saying that she will kill me if i took the itouch mp3. i went to check it out. it is fugly. horridly ugly. i dont' care if it costs 500 dollars or only 5 dollars. i will never buy it. bleh.

zen looks much nicer though. haha. was debating between two.


personally, i like both. but bending abit more to the zen as it is smaller, credit card size. i don't like bulky and big things. who knows. depends on first appearance i guess. although the vision can store alot of photos. but who on earth wants to store photos when they want to listen to music.

baby tell me your story
of the lies that you have weaved.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

going to be so sleep deprived tomorrow. but nvm, it was worth it.
so happy now. ahh.

finished doing the aq for my group. just random writings. please let me maintain that 7 marks and above for aq.

poor baby, you still don't get it
now i know why i love you so.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

ok. doing econs essay outline now. or at least trying to do. super sleepy now. bleh.

i have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long boring day for me. only have chem lecture, econs tutorial and gp. two periods. i wish i can go home after that since i have free period and then contact. practically a waste of time.

productive efficiency is increasing. this makes me happy. or to a certain extent. micro econs is been nagging at the bag of my head to study it. market failure etc. shall try to complete it by the weekend. chemisty is being sorely neglected. urgh. tomorrow shall try to complete whatever i can.

reading up on bop now. it has been my procrastinating thing to do. haha.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i wanna type something here that i find totally hilarious.

BOON JIN WON MISS HARMOC!

makes me wonder if the rest of the harmoc guys are goddamn ugly or something. but it is funny. i never fail to wonder his sexual orientation. this proves something!

presenting. . . MS HARMOC!



p.s you are so so so dead
P.S.S revenge is sweet XD

- - - - - - - - - - - -
FINISHED COLLINEAR officially. no more qn to do for me. happy. next shall be integration. but first, gp essays and aq. this totally kills my weekends. although i am wasting aircon like no one's business.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

if i ever were to poison myself. it would be through cooking
cooked mac and cheese from some packet. and the colour looked UNNATURAL.
but i just ate like 3/4 of it before deciding that i may get food poisoning
great. a great start.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

damn it all.
i am feeling so lonely
so goddamn helpless now
i hate it when that happens.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

feeling a thorough sense of desperation. prelims is in 40 days. 39 days to be exact. 5 weeks.

i am starting to freak out. no matter how much you study, you just feel that it is not enough. there are growing piles of prelim papers to be done. chem is just a lost cause.

don't know what to do now. just study for the sake of studying irks me. great. must get a hold of myself. maybe doing collinear the entire day isn't doing good for my mental self. hypothesis is tomorrow. along with some econs essays and gp aq. i hate writing now.

you can't help feeling lost when you are starting to feel all alone. yes, the road to the a levels is starting to grow lonelier by the minute. if anyone tells you that they haven started studying, ditch them. they are obviously lying. shall not be influenced by anyone. just myself.

i think eyes of amber gold are super cool.

i haven been thinking for about 5 seconds, yes, that is the max i can go without thinking.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sort of finished correlation and regression inside the green book. i feel so slow! urgh. shall try to complete within two weeks everything. but quite impossible.,

two gp essays shall write them out tomorrow. reading through econs later. mug. stupid. i feel so unmotivated. just doing for the sake of doing. so annoying.

my mum is leaving for miami tml at 8am. i will be so lonely with only my sis and ivy in the house. sad. she only back on the 24 of july. like two weeks later? die. lonely. sian.

whoever that falls in love with me, must be a masochist. yes, that is the word to describe.

miss you.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

ok. mild headache now. due to lack of sleep and stress and thinking too much.

went out with my mum for lunch just now. went to j8. crystal jade! dim sum dim sum! me love dim sum! bought 2 black tights. nearly bought an adidas sport shoe. one which i saw like in april but the price was 140 something. today it is at 50 percent off. but it is ADIDAS. i am a nike fan rather. see first. if i feel like it, then go down to see it again. but i don't need too many sport shoes.

went ntuc. bought linguine. next week i wanna cook! hope i don't poison people. bought oat meal cereal. the square one. should be nice. saving money time. i need to buy something which needs $$$ but my allowance, is all gone. i got zero savings other than my nets. so me zero cash. save my allowance of 50 dollars per week and extra 150 per month. should be able to save like 350 if i don't eat out and don't buy anything. but since that is impossible. so save 250? really need to save.

end of year, dec time. i wanna buy something! no idea what i am going to buy but i feel like saving up for something that i don't even know what it is. sleepy now. want to sleep. need to read through quantum physics later. mug! finished some qn for maths. integration my love!

that side way dimpled smile
makes my heart go topsy turvy

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

haha. happy bday buddy! one of my buddies in njc. always listen to me whine, grumble, act cute etc. thanks for being there for me, to listen to my nonsensical ramblings. 18 years old alr! cannot be so pervertic and must be more man! ok. man in a good way ok?

you owe me cafe cartel and kbox! after prelims ok? owe you a movie outing also. silly guy. don't be paranoid. the one for you will come soon so just patiently wait ba! if it is not XXX can be YYY also XD just hope one with your sparkling eyes will come around soon! that will be your best day present!

today. . .

went school. drizzling slightly. met boon jin, yiwen and vania at the side gate. haha. boon jin bought the present. the precious present. lol. we actually gave deng a plastic bag before hand! assembly then lecture. finally handed over the present to deng.

pon maths lecture. saw chew joo on in lt 1 so ran over to lt 5 and it was mr sang and we just pon the entire thing and went lib. then chem lesson then maths lesson. i love maths lessons the best!

after that went to eat my dong fen! happy. mr wee was sitting with yiwen, joson, boon jin and i. ah. must do chem then ask mr wee to teach next week. realise i have been neglecting chem and i failed the chem test. sian. was doing work and finish acid base. swathi and sara was sitting with me. so nice to pei me.

then was waiting for yiwen and deng to come out. ah. super funny. clayton and timothy was asking if i was bi, homo or hetero. i was saying bi bi. as if. i don't like girls in that way. never once been tempted. girls too emotion for me.

so we went to eat prata! ordered too much. yikes. mushroom cheese and onion cheese and accidentally ordered one plain onion prata. super full but nice. i heart milo dinosaur. then joson came to join us. deep fried ice cream!

after that, took bus to my house to watch movie. moulin rouge. dinner ordered california pizza! lol. nothing much to type since sitting down and watching movie. sleepy now.

next week, going with xinglong to mug at woodlands lib. haha. he was asking me online. this week end cannot since my mum going to miami. either go mug with flo or xinglong or whoever else that asks me. or can stay at home. lol. that xiao long nu ask me to stay focus. ah. i should really follow his lead. AAAAA his results. my goal!

tired now. shall go some hw. at least feel more accomplishedm.

it was the smile that did me in.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

this is my favourite song since young. don't cry joni.
click to hear the song and the lyrics.

the ending verse of this song is

Jimmy, Jimmy please don't cry
you'll forget me by and by
it's been 5 years since you've been gone
Jimmy I married your best friend John.

it is irony in the making. go and hear. it is a very sad song.

it generally goes like this. this girl and guy are neighbour. this girl likes this guy but the guy rejected her because she was 15 years old and he is 22. as time goes by, the guy left the country and went to work. but he couldn't forget about the girl. so he went back to her after five years, wanting to ask her to marry him. but when he met her, she rejected him because she was married to his best friend.

irony. it says alot of things.

in a emoish mood now. damn.

another song called 'sad movies'

it goes like this. first two verse.

He said he had to work so I went to the show alone
They turned down the lights and turned the projector on
And just as the news of the world started to begin
I saw my darlin' and my best friend walk in

Though I was sittin' there they didn't see
And so they sat right down in front of me
When he kissed her lips I almost died
And in the middle of the color cartoon I started to cry.

super sad this song. she got cheated on by her best friend and her boyfriend / husband. gosh. this sucks. all this songs make me think that guys DON'T know how to appreciate what they have. sob.

the song 'nobody's child' is heartbreaking. click!

I'm nobody's child
I'm nobody's child
Just like a flower I'm growing wild.
No mommy's kisses and no daddy's smile
nobody wants me
I'm nobody's child.

i am in an oldies mood. sob.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

feeling abit confused, muddle headed and paranoid.

i felt like i was really walking on egg shells. one wrong move and it will just crack.

yet i felt happy.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

super tired now. bleh.

was like having lightning when i left the house. left the house earlier. like ten minutes earlier. met clement on the bus. it is like finally rite? haha. but i don't usually take the early bus unless it is raining.

ok. i was in a bullying mood again. i think each time gladys see me, she wants to throw things.

maths tutorial was VERY ENRICHING. mr chee is a good tutor. i like linear regression. i know the EASY WAY OF GC ALR. gc is god sent. free period spent. . . talking? can't rmb. didn't really want to do work.

chem was nerve testing. but it was amusing to a certain extent. at the expense of deng. XD really. he can't do anything. like so guai and less noisy. i wonder why.

lunch nothing much. was doing one to one convo with daphne. ahh. lucky have her around to unload. i am not really the crazy and spastic person. just want to distract myself. the more crazy, the more i want to distract myself. i don't believe in letting people see my emo side. unnecessary questions and unnecessary concerns.

lecture was ok. copy? gp was ok. i like aqs. test my thinking. was going through my essay outline with mrs nair after class. it was nice. should have more one to one sessions about gp. really want to improve a subject which i like. yes, i like english. chinese is so T.T joson can stop laughing at my nice accent.

after school, went subway with joson, yiwen, yun, xinyi. shared with jifan the subway club., super lame one. took bus back to school for the talk.

the talk overall was boring. some speeches were totally. . . i shall be nice not to talk much about them. the word redundant can be used. some were entertaining. i am not being bias here. patrick was singing and . . . HAO LIAN!!! confirm purposely one. know his voice nice then sing. CONFIRM ONE. later i get beaten up.

then q and a. REDUNDANT QUESTIONS. stupid questions were asked. me haoyun and elyena were laughing like mad. sigh. wanted to go home early.

super tired now but acid base is waiting for me.

i realise people actually have blogs bitching about their own parents. about their parents scolding them for doing things etc. so far, in 1004 posts, i think i only talk bad about my parents about less than five times. confirm. i don't even use swear words. and normally it is because i was in a bad mood and they were being overly concern.

fine, i have very nice and understand parents. i have never been beaten, never caned. is it cause i was a very good kid? who knows. but have had my fair share of scoldings. maybe cause my parents never really believed in physical punishment. which is good?

what is good and what is bad?

resisting the urge not to msg is painful. bloody painful. so for the past two weeks. ever since school reopened, i have been chucking my hp aside. so that i don't see it and use it to msg. in any case, there won't be any reply. so why did i even msg? crazy.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i wonder where do you stand in all of this?

sort of questioning my thoughts, my actions, my self belief right now. i blame it on the gp essay outline that i was forced to write. 'science and religion will always conflict?' yeah. so 'my heart and my mind will always conflict?' who knows

it is becoming of increasing least importance of who i talk to and who i don't talk to. great, there are some people in my life that are fading away. i don't blame myself for it. it is ridiculous to blame myself for something that i have no control over. if anyone dares to tell me that i lost something because it was my fault. i really doubt their method of thinking. it takes two hands to clap. it is not a one man show. it won't last. i rather have another that reciprocate and at least is willing to put in the effort.

yeah, i heard. you obvious do not give a damn.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today was crappy.

went to school. got pissed off by an insensitive jerk. zzz. chem was ok. didn't so work. so copy. econs. . . i didn't read notes = don't understand anything = stone. gp wasn't that bad. although. . . i have to redo one of my essay cause i didn't answer the qn so it adds on to my growing pile of unfinished hw.

free period. trying to mug. contact was going thru results in hall. got back my results slip. bleh. horrible. don't want to see. then went canteen. was sitting with yiwenwen, swathi, sara, aidan, eunice, teena. then an ip class was sitting next to use.

i can successfully say that i terrorized the president of harmoc super well. haha. actually, sara, eunice, aidan, swathi and i did. lol. just add words one after another. now i fully understand why jianeng is the gong zhu. i didn't know her surname was also a tan. hmm. i think gladys wanted to kill me. or threatened too. haha. but she is funny when she is agitated. ok, i am a sadist.

went to do the quiz quiz thing. my password was vulgar. started with fk***** then i was like T.T

after school. crashed hc time. lucky flo came. pr was with her. i didn't realise he was SO SHORT. ok. flo was tall. went to photocopy shop to buy the prelim paper. NJ PPL. PLEASE BUY FROM THERE. the auntie there is SO MUCH NICER. i ended up having a small chat with her. flo was saying that i really chat with random people.

went to her class bench. chit chat then kx came. then he MADE us go all the way to bukit timah plaza cause he wanted to withdraw money. but anyway, had someone to lug the books for me so never mind.

made a mistake to ask him if he grew taller. the secret laughing began and yes, he grew 3cm. so around 179? i swear it was his shoes.

flo and i went to kfc to sit down first. cheese fries! flo went to buy a jelly. haha. was looking through the hc maths blocks paper. quite hard. compared to nj, it is harder. florence ho man wah! stop emoing!

then kx came back. he bought some sandwich thing which flo and i happily koped half. haha. good that he withdrew money. then the ultimate crapping began. gosh. super funny.

have this msg from xxx. something along the lines of '. . . . you say you wanted to be my fren. it hurt. . .' etc. then after he read the msg, he was like 'i never say i wanted to be her friend'. evil. super evil. yeah, he leaves a trail of broken hearts behind. now i make him sound like some kind of woman killer.

after that we were saying about girls touching guys shoulder what it means. say means like him or something. then i just stare at flo cause i have been whacking him like mad. lol. then we just say girl touch guy. then that idiot was like 'girl touch guy in what way?' then flo and i burst out laughing and he was accusing us of having an unclean mind. YEAH RIGHT.

the number of fks coming out from his mouth. today, i heard more than what i hear in nj for about two months. and i was just scolding him then he changed it to 'what the sueanne' zzz. that earned him a whacking. but thanks for the TREAT!

cannot rmb the rest of the convo but it was just super funny. ah. i wish have this kind of convo in njc. at least makes you forget about stress. people in nj are just too. . . uptight? high strung? just means they are too stress to make jokes.

stayed there from about 3 to 5 plus. then took bus back. the bus uncle is super crazy. flo didn't bring ezlink card so she was paying 60 cents. then the uncle say don't allow, must play normal ADULT FARE. then she was like arguing say that she was wearing school uniform but the uncle don't allow. zzz. blind. and she was super pissed that she had to pay 1.40. crazy.

took 166 back and coincidentally met usarin on the way. XD passed her the prelim papers. haha. at least tomorrow don't have to bring another book to school.

super annoyed now. bleh.

it was one of the things that i didn't want to hear
coming from you.
how insensitive can you get?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

for my 1001th post.

i hate idiots and their biasness. stop with your useless appeasing remarks. yeah rite, do it only when necessary. bloody freaking liar. was that STUPID THING EVEN NECESSARY?! to do one for me, make so much noise etc. fine. i don't give a fking damn anymore.

you can go jump down a building for all i care

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

this marks my 1000TH POST!

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am super tired. no headache but have sore throat. T.T

slept at 2am last night. nerves was jumping. heart in throat. was watching the 3rd set and then when federer won the 3rd set, i offed the tv. too annoyed. couldn't sleep much, woke up at 9am to check scores.

RAFAEL NADAL WINS WIMBLEDON!!!
6-4 6-4 6-7 6-7 9-7

super duper happy. after checking, i went back to sleep again. i am so tired. going to do homework while watching the reviews of wimbledon. lucky i am not a fan of hard courts or else the US Open would be during prelims.

sleepy now. trying to do that stupid energetics thing. i don't believe i cannot do it. XP

right now, i miss you

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am having a massive headache. it hurts so much that i feel like taking a hammer to my head.

but i can't sleep yet. not when the most important match is being played right now. please please. gosh. i can almost cry already.

to smile or not to smile?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

slept at 2plus am yest and woke up at nine today. crazy. not enough sleep but i don't feel like sleeping.

currently appearing offline. haha. minghan is online. his msn pm is some virus thing. i think he has gotten chicken pox. i mean, who on earth gets to be 18 years old and DON'T HAVE CHICKEN POX?! i thought that everyone should like at least have it once in their lives.

i got chicken pox at the age of THREE! have this scar on my right hand from scratching it. then my mum thought it will be a good idea for my sis to have chicken pox as well so when i had it, she made me stick to my sis. contagious disease XDDD

abit addicted to the song 'the best damn thing' by avril lavigne. it is quite an old song. ok, i am slow. need to do work soon.

where are the hopes?
where are the dreams?
my cinderella story scene?

heard alot of interesting things yest. it didn't annoy me as much as i thought it would. don't worry, i won't ask a thing.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sudden urge to go tanning. but lousy sister have cca on monday on a YOUTH DAY! why why why? i wanna go tan. i have no idea why.

but just as well, i have no idea where is my swim suit. reason for tanning, just realised that one of my dress would look damn nice with a tan. HAHA. no actually, just want to lounge and read a book.

but no one will want to go with me, sad case. only my sis. must drag her along. anyone wants to go tanning?

i still haven done anything productive yet except thinking about tanning and wondering if the chlorine in the swimming pool will at least turn my hair a lighter shade of. . . black? urgh.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

did absolutely nothing today. i should be shot straight to hell. urgh.

i know why i cannot on the tv. cause when i do, i will just sit and start watching. first was friends from 12 - 2pm. then it was this asian food channel thing. then it was this hong kong drama. then it was the wimbledon preview cause i wanted to watch r.n play.

great. lucky have monday to make up for it. please allow me to mug mug mug,.

wimbledon. gosh. tomorrow at 9pm, i will just be a bundle of nerves. just wanting to on the tv but won't on cause i am scared to hell of what is being played. ahh. the online tracker is of no use.

the final tomorrow: ROGER FEDERER vs RAFAEL NADAL

ok. this is the 3rd straight final that they have played against each other since 2006, the year i started watching tennis. they have played each other for 3 consecutive finals also at the french open which nadal won all three. but at wimbledon, he lost both to federer so. . . it is just nerve wrecking.

ok. details about my r.n. haha. not really sure if i have posted pics or things about him here.



name: rafael nadal
birthplace: mallorca, spain
height: 1.85 m
date of birth: 3 june 1986 (22 years old)
ranking for men's singles: 2
titles: french open champion 2005-2008!!!
plays left handed although he is a right hander!

haha. this are just basic details i guess.

abit bored now since the final isn't until tomorrow. i love spain!

if there are things to wish for, what would you wish for?
maybe cause i have been avoiding thinking about it that is why it crept into my mind today. what on earth makes people happy? i don't know.

chatting with flo just made me realise that she is feeling the same way that i do now. feeling bored with the people around us. thinking that things can't be any worser. tired of studying and results not showing it. part of life. i just want to live and move on. the june holidays just made me realise that i shouldn't waste the last year of my jc life thinking about useless stuff.

but that fact still remains

tell me baby what is your deepest darkest secret?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

mad mood warning. fk

today started out as an okay day. lecture. pon maths lecture. got damn frustrated during chem cause i had no idea what it was about. was blaming myself for not seriously trying to do the tutorial. things went past in a blur. maths tutorial was ok. but i was already shutting off my brain.

free period. nothing much. talk? endless amount of talking plus crapping? i can't rmb. i just rmb staying from 11.40 to 1.20. then suppose to have econs consultation but push back to 2. then waited until 2.15, ms heng also never call.

i got super annoyed and frustrated. like i waited for near to three hours? when i can go home and sleep? and i was super bored in school. was so frustrated that had like tears in my eyes. was acting abit crazy and off balance. i hate it when there is no control over what is done. yeah, people only think that i just want to vent my sianness, no. i just want to laugh at the naivety of the people around me. they haven woken up to the reality yet. i have.

someone pissed me off. i seriously cannot be bothered. the dumbest thing is that that person thinks that i don't have a temper and that i will shrug everything off. NO. i am the most calculative person and i remember EVERY single thing that is being said to me. just because i act blur and don't want to pursue the matter doesn't mean i don't care about it. FK OFF.

lucky had yiwen around to pei me to eat subway at railway mall. felt better. hearts. stayed there for like two hours before going home. there have alot of nice food. there are alot of similarities between both of us i guess.

had to take three buses to reach home. my mood soured when two people i detested most was on the same bus and was standing next to me while i was sitting down. thank god for mp3s. can just sit there and look outside.

the futility of everything just depresses me. i hate it. i don't even know who i am anymore. what on earth i am doing. my balance is going way off. i need the three days to get myself back together before i go mad

i need to stop
'so why don't you stop?'
because i can't
'why can't you?'
because there is no one left to care

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

'And I absolutely adore love x1000000 my sister for buying me part one of my birthday present. She bought for me connecting earrings for my 3 piercings on my left ear from Bits and Pieces. I SIMPLY ADORE THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE SO CUTE BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WEAR THEM! :D I tried just now, but it looks super wrong leh. :/ Oh well, I've kept them in a box and won't use it until after my birthday :D'

'Anyway, HAPPY 17TH TO ME! :D It was nice to wake up to 30+ Missed calls & messages. Thankyou so much guys! :] I wanted to stay up 'til 12pm 'cause I wanted to open my presents, but I fell asleep, so the first thing I did when I woke up was to rip open the wrapping. My sis is simply the best! She bought for my linked earrings, my Soemi hoodie, PLUS A WHITE WALLET :D Like what the hell, I have the best sister on Earth!'

above taken from my sis's blog. next time if she ever quarrels with me, i am going to use the above quotes. HAHA.

school was boring and time dragging. first time, i catch no ball during econs. maybe my brain was in shut down mode. i don't know. chem was chem eqm lecture so it wasn't so bad. gp was damn humiliating. cause i ask mrs nair to go through the aq of a compre, then she told the class that i asked her to go through. urgh. in the end, postponed cause some people didn't bring. the essay outline presentation was so crappy but mrs nair said it was ok. haha. i love my gp group mates. thanks jim, ek ping, yong jian and lusandra! ek ping was bored so she wrote this on yong jian's book 'MUN XIAO JIAN DA YONG' lol. mun is yj's surname btw.

free period with yiwenwen! today is a yiwenwen and sueanneanne day. ahh. haha. didn't do much except stone. physics was so crappish. we reached there like half an hour late cause we didn't know the venue. and i still don't understand what on earth is danwei teaching. i want mdm khoo back. GOSH. can't believed i typed that.

pe pe! volley ball! i like volley ball. reminds me of xiang. volley ball in st nicks was fun. there was this ip guy in my class that was so sissy that each time he hit the ball, he would cry out in pain. lame.

went canteen to mug with junior! patrick is lousy. XP maybe it is retribution for me not doing my tutorials last time then in the end, i had to teach him the differention application qn which i DIDN'T DO LAST TIME. lucky know how to do. or else so malu.

reached home at 7 plus then makan. tired now.

i really wonder what you are to me. do our lives even intersect at all? i can't see anything. maybe because i am in a confused state of mind right now that is why i refuse to see what is in front of me. what you and i deem as important are totally different. i am tired of losing my train of thoughts.

at this rate i am going, i may lose it all.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i feel totally moody and bitchy despite just having two hours of slp. it is probably the most waste time thing you can do but, i like to take naps.

ok. nothing much during the day that i actually find things to blog about. maths was just doing j1 common test paper. it is freaking easy. the first four qn.zz. chem was stone. econs lectured was psed by half the class who went over to lt1 and why the rest didn't go? cause we thot that it would be mean to ps. irony.

ok, the best part of the day is probably skipping the talks. yiwen yun and i were at canteen. side gate locked and marianne tan was scolding someone by the stairs. so we decided to walk by the main gate. alas, the gate was heavily guarded by two OMs. they say cannot go since there was announcement about talk. zz. i got pretty frustrated since they were ppl going out of the gate. so, just say that our talk was at 2.30pm and we were going out to eat lunch. he say cannot. i gave the MOST LAMEST EXCUSE I COULD THINK OF. i said, our friend's birthday today, we going to buy cake then quickly come back. pretending to look at my watch as if time is wasting while talking to him. lame excuse? ha, it worked. yun and yiwen were just laughing when we walked out.

at hc bus stop, heard someone calling my name when i was approaching. THAI JIIN SHIUAN!!! saw caryn at the bus stop as well. took 157 with jiin. i miss that babe.

at mac reservoir while waiting for 74 to come, then as 132 passing, saw sam how and sharifa on the bus! haha. sec 1 classmate and sec 2 classmate. cool. today is like a meeting people day. went to ntuc to buy drinks for tonight then collected subway cookie. i was wondering why my subway on mon was so cheap. i am the only one that didn't know about the offer. bleh.

tired and sleepy. tonight having steamboat at home. ah. it is going to stink downstairs. ABALONE. my aunt bought an ice cream cake from swensen. just ate one on sunday due to my cousin's bday. bleh. round round.

i am tired of listening to you and your discriminating viewpoints. your insults and everything. bloody hell. i think i wasted my time.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

my sis is turning 17 in about 2 hours and 39 minutes time.

i should write stuff like, why i love her so much etc. no.

i decided to write five reasons, why she is a dingdong

1. she wanted an ice kachang machine cause she wanted to make ice blend. HELLO? BLENDER?
2. she wanted a mr potato head from toy r us so that she can put her emotions on his face
3. she doesn't know how to use the earrings i bought for her
4. she doesn't know what tuna my maid uses for her sandwich
5. she doesn't want to open my present for her NOW.

lol. her fourth bday present is this post.



i will still love you even if you are the world's biggest dingdong.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

haven bathed yet. i feel stinky. just ate dinner and came home around 7.50.

today nothing much. i literally KOed on the bus. was so tired. was like die die die. and just slept the entire way through.

gc was nothing much. finished physics mcq during that period. maths lesson was nice. haha. towards the end, mr chee was revising collinear regression and he was like, 'for example, all of you are top executives of this stop' pauses to think for a while 'ZARA!' he said it with a huge smile on his face and said that he loved zara. then throughout his entire speech on zara, he was just smiling. zara is not that bad i guess.

then lecture, swathi, sara, eunice and i went to lt1 to see who the lecturer is. if bad, we will return to our lt5 of mr lum. turns out to be mr chee lecturing! we deciding to stay back and listen. not to bad i guess. at least i UNDERSTAND. then half way the lecture, he looked at our direction and we all were like going, oh shit. then he said 'why are there some people that are not suppose to be in this lecture here? like my CIVICS CLASS.' sara and i just looked at each other and heaved a sigh for relief.

pe wasn't that bad. i have been hating pe cause i share it with an ip4 class and there are only like 5 mainstream people which are sze, liu chang, cecilia, joel and i. today, only three. but wasn't so bad. played floorball in tennis court. ah. eyecandy on opposition team. haha.

then was with andrew while eating. went for chemisty class but had to wait outside cause uncle trick's class was inside. finally saw who amanda heng was. all i can say, about same height, figure, hair but ms amelia heng is alot prettier. but her sister is much more easy to bully i guess.

chemisty was just stone stone stone. urgh. don't like chem. econs i was going to doze off. i can't remember what i did for lunch except had this lame convo with usarin, boon jin and joson about wedding invitation.

i will never marry a guy whose name sounds horrible. you know some people's name is like e.g wah in english and chinese it is just wei or something. but it just sounds so horrible. i gave this example. mr and mrs XXX would like to invite you to their son, ENG WAH SIM''s. . . . like gross? sorry. english name PLEASE. even both my parents have english names. my dad doesn't have a chinese name. HAHA.

physics lesson was just mcq going through. urgh. anderson paper. knew that by doing it halfheartedly wouldn't have gotten me very high but then, SOMEBODY gave me the wrong answer this morning and SOMEBODY, got correct for his question. zzz

chemisty lecture was ok. got correct for both structured calculation question. at least knew how to do. after school took bus down to town to search for my sis present. ok. this is super annoying. i went to TANGS, i went to isetan, i went to wisma atria, i went to taka. i even went to ARMANI EXCHANGE. but they don't have what i want. annoyed. but i bought something that she would like, ok, total she has three things from me. one i gave her yest already. she is making me broke.

shopped until 6.45 then took mrt down to meet my mum. then took mrt back up again. whee. i love my mum. XDDD although she is super mean. like she was reading the today on the mrt then she ask me 'how is kungfu panda' i said it was nice cause the panda is FAT AND ROUND. then she looked at me and just laughed. so insulting. that panda's stomach is really round. mine is no where near that. zz.

super tired now. shall go bathe and then slp? do things that are more productive? not sure. bleh.

i have this long scratch from my mid thigh to my hip. i have no idea where it came from. it just looks obvious. urgh. lucky the skirt covers it. must be i keep knocking into things. bleh bleh.

you are the best
and i just want the best

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world