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When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

now doing tutorials and was back from a super full dinner from swensens.

how my day went. . . woke up and not waking to wake up that kind of feeling. went to my parents room and started doing tutorials. finished econs and half way on to my stats. tutorial 3 of management science is half way done. yay. i need to speed up or else my weekends cannot go out that much alr.

went for driving and was like learning how to park between cars. IT IS NERVE WRECKING. but it is easier to park between two cars. alot easier cause you will be more cautious.

after that met clement, jun and his gf veron for swensens and ended up talking alot of rubbish. GOSH. rambutans. i will never ever look at that girl straight in the face again. it was some enlightening convo. extremely. and chong pang and timbre maybe next sat :)

now back to my tutorial. bleh. i hate it :(

chatting with rach online now. good luck for your first day at sim tml!!! haha, meet up soon since sim is like clementi area. ha

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

drank alot tonight. but totally not high at all.

2 baileys and 1 mango daiquiri. not high at all.

but liquid kitchen with sis was good and at the club with parents was also nice.

i wish i was dead drunk. i think i was swearing alot thru the phone when talking to jun.
shall just do tutorials and not think

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am slowly typing as i waiting for my nails to dry. change my toenail colour!!! and was actually painting my nails the way i did for prom last year but then i smudged it and got fed up that i wiped all off. now it is just some super pretty nail colour with glitter that my mum bought.

yes, painting nails releases endorphins which make people happy.

i am zomg full from the dimsum just now. yay. gosh. i love pao. super love pao. and i love dimsum alot alot. die. need to start running again soon. lack of exercise is going to make me fatter.

and i am so not in the mood to do tutorials even though they are piling up like crazy. pile and pile. i shall attempt them later. esp stats since i got the minitab alr that i got from weijie.

went to do hair treatment just now and layered my hair. length still the same. haha. my hair is getting ridiculously long alr. which is good.

driving tml at 3.30. going to learn how to park IN A NORMAL WAY. yes. will have to drive to nus like during sept and oct when dad is not in spore. no public transport!!! i feel oddly sleepy.

there are things which i dun uds. why would someone want to stick with another that treats her badly. i really don't uds. honestly i am scared for that someone.

on a side note, i miss nj and my co juniors. amusing convo

[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals said:
son son!
colourwolf : blood is a substance, it holds no ties says:
mother!

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

work to do this weekend

1. management science tutorial 3
2. econs tutorial 2 (IMPT)
3. stats tutorial 2
4. FINALLY LOOK AT PHYSICS WEBCAST. like 5 webcasts behind. die

and tml going to eat dimsum with my grandma and family. hearts. gosh. die. going to be like some fat blimp super soon T.T

i have no idea what am i going to do tml night. no idea at all. haha. sunday is also like a blur and i am scared of driving. bleh. no idea how to park and i need refresher courses.

next week is physics project meeting. super happy with my group members. shenyang and zhihui! yes, both are like my mugging tutorial partners and online mug session tgt. at least i feel motivated with them around.

i wan baileys. gosh. it is some weird addiction. but it is super nice.

shopping with mei on wed. i am like waiting for daph to finish with her pagaent thing so that we can GO OUT. daph if you are reading this, TAKE THE HINT. yes. and arts canteen the fruit juice is totally yummy. i tried like 4 diff juices today cos the girls each bought one. had strawberry banana, pineapple orange, mango strawberry, kiwi strawberry. the only one i didn't dare try was weijie's avocado. and yong tau foo. yes.

i am feeling like happier and happier these few days. i wonder why.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

super high from the outing with jun and clayton just now. haha. dinner at imperial something was nice. ah. noodles and sesame balls!!! then clarke quay. i love baileys right now.

and I PASSED MY TP!

i need to thank like the following people: florence, meiling, jun, clayton, niklas, liane, guoying, zhihui etc. especially like the first five people who i probably drove mad with my emo smses and all the negative thinkings. florence for trying to make me feel better and then constant smses. meiling with the super sweet sms from before my test and loads of encouragement. jun with the smses and super super good way of making me not be so negative. clayton with the smses and the coffee bean outing last night. niklas with the humourous online convo. LOVE YOU GUYS LOADS. all the support made me feel super loved. and advice from guoying and zhihui really helped alot alot.

and to mum and dad. thanks for all the encouragement given even though i was really very negative and not very confident. i love you both the most.

now if only i would dare to drive alone. ha

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

please please please let me pass my driving tml. gosh. my blood totally turned into ice when i mounted the kerb. it was like die die die.

i have totally zero confidence now. zero. zero zero. and i am extremely tense which is isn't a good thing cause when you are tense you tend to eff up more. why why must this happen.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
mei!
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
i am screwed
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
yest i woke up at 2am
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
then started tinking of driving
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
then like wanna go back to slp
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
then cannot
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
then tink tink
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
then tat kind of tremble la
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
die die
mei ling has walked THROUGH THE YEARS. says:
omg
mei ling has walked THROUGH THE YEARS. says:
you're going crazy
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
yes
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
i told u le
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
seriously
[sueN] {190307} leaping on pseudo petals says:
this is bad


this is just in case anyone wonders how confident i am of passing my driving. there is NO GUARANTEE OF ANYTHING. die

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIANE!!!

blogger is abit screwed now so cannot upload pics.

a tiny update on my life so far
1. went to school at 11.50 to prepare the card and all
2. went for lunch with babe jiin at the deck
3. lecture and singing of happy birthday
4. went home with flo

trying to reduce the number of paragraphs for some reason or another. and super happy if like every week i can meet my besties like once or twice. hopefully PERMANENT going home partner on mon is flo. hee

i have had weird cravings for this week
1. spinelli dog bone cookie
2. MOONCAKES.
3. those sesame balls with sesame paste inside.

at this rate, i am going to go fatTER. yes. quite sadly so. i need to figure out what i am going to do in the spaces between. i am tired of doing tutorials alr. bleh. stuck at one qn for so long. seriously i feel dumb again and again.

i need cca. i need a cca. i need a cca. i need to know more ppl etc etc. and the list can just go on and on.

going home with flo is always enjoyable. talk about mostly r.s stuff. and i think my standard for future bf to be just went sky high. honestly if the guy likes the girl, must do something at least. and added bonus is have license and can drive.

i am so scared for my tp this thurs that i am freaking out like a week ago. i dreamt that the signal bar was spoiled and that i had to use my hands to signal which direction i was going. ah. and it doesn't help that jessica said that she failed her test cause she mount the kerb at crank course 26. sigh.

so far dimsum date with sis on fri. dinner with jun on thurs. and probable settler's cafe outing with uni ppl on sat. hopefully my tp will go well so that i won't emo all the way to sat.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am just stagnant. moving neither forward nor backward.

i just left with stats tutorial which i have done like two questions. i feel so sleepy now and then i wonder if i shld read through my notes. i am rather lazy to do so right now. sigh. i am slowly losing my motivation to study already.

it is doing tutorials for the sake of doing tutorials. it is quite sad.

i went to school for a two hours lecture to which i was already faster than the lecturer. and he totally didn't touch on the things that i wanted to him to teach. great. went to the lib with flo to mug for a while. nus central lib is like some graveyard, it is extremely quiet. scary. the entire atmosphere makes me NOT WANT TO MUG.

i want the dog bone cookie from spinelli. one entire jar full of it. but i know i will only eat just one. sigh. fattening. ok, i have no idea what i am typing right now.

i want meet ups with loads and loads of ppl. esp jiin. donkey years since i have seen her. audrey chong chong chong. and my juniors from co. i want to go back nj. but going back alone is rather. . . lonely. T.T

is there anyone that can read my mind? i really wonder. cause i don't even know what i want right now.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i wonder how i got my A for physics honestly. i have no idea how i got it.

i did the physics tutorial and went ZOMG. it is basics of the basics. physics thing. i shld be able to do it, i ended up staring at most of the questions and sent one SOS msg to jun who came online to help me solve my tutorial qns. nothing has changed. i still have to reply on jun to help me with my physics.

the most effed up thing, the elevator question. for the life of me, i can't solve it at all. always cannot. even though i have solved such qn like four times in my life and they are similar. but i always forget the steps.

i left with econs and stats for tutorials. i don't know whether to feel happy or just bleh. i need some programme to draw graphs on the com instead of by hand. management science is getting relatively more fun.

i wish jun was in nus. then got at least a permanent mugging partner or at least someone who teaches me. the lack of brain usage sucks. really. i cannot solve simple things anymore.
i totally sent him the management science lecture notes so that he can entertain himself during his duty later. and take note, he is in engineering.

and uni is getting harder. it is irony at its highest.

for some reason, i want to eat waffles. and i am dying to watch the movie 'the proposal' i don't care how many stars it got, i just want to see some romance and sandra bullock. plus popcorn.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i finally fell into pieces. literally.

maybe it is the stress of doing all the tutorials. maybe it is stress of coping with uni life. maybe it is the stress of being in a totally new environment. i have no idea, all i know is that, it was choking me.

was super moody yest. then today when doing tutorials, i just felt like crying. just felt like throwing everything away and just stone. it felt like no matter how much i try to say what i felt out, it didn't help.

i am super lucky to have jun as a fren. really lucky to have him. smsed him about how effed up work was and all and he called. then he asked one qn which immediately made me start crying.

ended up talking to him for like 1.5 to 2 hours on the phone. everything just came out. uni life, r.s problems, uncertainty, doubts. just not knowing how to proceed. at least i am clearer now. so much clearer than ever before. it really helps talking to someone with the same mindset.

at least i know where my focus is. on uni. whatever is the rest shall just be thrown behind. he told me not to be bothered so much about other things. which i shall just take his advice.

thanks buddy. just for being there.

i was already thinking that if i can find someone else that i can talk just as easily to, it would be a miracle.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sueanne needs to sort her life out literally. it is like ever since stepping into uni, things are just spiraling out of control. there is no balance, no stability.

i think i am just happy that i manage to make some friends in uni. then i would not be totally alone and miserable there. but the work load that comes with uni life is seriously a lot. the late nights aka 2-3am of doing tutorials is just horrible. and considering that i didn't have tutorial lessons this week. next week is another case of waking up early and trying to stay awake.

it is stressful. management science is making me just feel damn irritated with myself cause of my lack of ability to formulate linear equations sometimes. and i nearly threw away my laptop because of the solver program.

yesterday's outing with mei and daph totally brought back some familiarity in my life. i need that. i don't want huge changes. i don't need much things new. i need at least some touch of the past everyday. mon was going home with flo. today is outing with boon jin. at least i feel that i didn't move on with my life so fast that it would scare me.

i think history is repeating itself once again. i don't want to go through this. not again. not when it is already messing up my mind and making me so confused. but then, i think i have the answer for now.

the chat with flo yesterday was amusing. i was like saying that i thought it would be a bed of roses but ended up in shit. then she was like, it depends on which part of the roses you land on. roses have thorns. ya. i thought i was on petals, end up they were pseudo petals that were directly above thorns.

tonight will be another late night i think. need to finish management science and move on to econs tutorial. yay. my life is picking up. . . in the state of work. so really, if i have the time to go out, i hope some will appreciate it. cause . . my time is running out. projects are coming in at an exponential rate, and i am doing the work at a dying rate.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am in a total shopping state right now. like dying to go out and buy stuff.

i want to buy t shirts. shorts. skirts. jackets. etc etc. but considering that i am not even working right not. ah. maybe after my driving test then all my wednesdays are free and then i can start going back st nicks to work. at least earn 65 dollars per week is not too bad. can sustain abit of my shopping.

and i MUST stop shopping for shoes. like seriously stop. too many shoes that i won't even wear alr. that is sad. quite sad.

reading through linear programming was literally killing me yest. it is maths, i shld fall head over heels with that topic but it isn't the case. it isn't like statistics. it was more like trying to make sense out of nonsensical data. ok i am screwed.

shall do hw like this weekend so that next week i can focus more on things such as driving etc etc.

i wonder if i am making the right choice in various things. but time will tell i guess. i need to like figure out what i want and then decide to do it.

relationships things are totally at the back of my head. if anyone ask if i want a relationship the answer shld be quite obvious. when it comes it comes. not going to do anything about it

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i have no motivation to blog as much as last time alr!!! ahhh. i have no idea why.

the last time i blogged was sat. the days were going like a blur blur blur.

sunday went to question mark? ok. went driving then went amk hub to get present for mum's bday. haha. met clayton there then he nicely peied me to look for a cake and stuff and i got a coffee bean treat! thanks clay! after that went home to slack and stuff and had impromptu movie watching with clayton at 11pm. yup. the super nice guy walked me home and reached at 2am.

monday went to hanabi to celebrate mum's bday! haha. bought her flowers with a bear, cake and some thing to hang on the car which says 'world's best driver' lol. it is some inside joke. then nuaed around at home.

tuesday was the first day of uni. went for physics lecture with zhihui and shenyang. i nearly died there. it was like two hours of boredom. then rushed back to biz for marketing lecture. after that went to the deck to makan and collected all the textbooks. went for og outing at vivo and slacked there till 8 plus. :D

today was the HIGHLIGHT. went out with flo bestie for movie 3d. haha. walked around and suddenly in shopping mood. very seldom flo in shopping mood one. almost never. went to gv to buy popcorn and smuggled it into cathay. i have no idea but i have the impression that gv popcorn is better. after that went to plaza sing again to shop. bought 3 tops and two pairs of footwear. :DDD walked until 4 plus then went back to amk. had to find the post office to renew my pdl. PLEASE LET ME PASS DRIVING.

sigh. now a lot of lecture notes to print and my printer is down down down. i am amused. my mum helped me to print notes and i end up with 4 sets of the same notes. NOTES ANYONE?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sueanne is totally back from camp!

biz camp was fun. haha. totally not what i expected and all. fright night was totally not scary and i am super grateful for that cause i hate horror movies and all. esp the co camp last year which they made us watch shutter and then sadistically made us run around the school in the dark.

things did for camp, talks, og bonding, fright night, flag day, talks, games, night games, SENTOSA, masquerade. shall blog in detail next time. and i have no idea why blogger cannot upload pics. at least for mine. i need to review the settings. but pictures up on facebook alr

and i am black and blue all over. legs most obvious. bruises on hip area. etc. but then again i am super prone to this. at least it isn't as bad as nj where i fell down stairs from overhead bridge and sprained my leg while rolling down a hill. those are classic.

baked yest. super happy with the results. alot of time and effort was put into the cookies. and all for me. actually no. i have no idea what i am going to do with them now.

in a slacking mood sort of. today was uber busy with alot of celebrations and things to do.

loving my wednesday off timetable. i need to settle my organiser asap.

i miss alot of my frens. which i haven seen in a while. flo, jiin, mei, daph etc. and also my jc clique. stupid boon jin went to lose 3kg in 4 days. what is the point of him losing weight if he is alr so skinny?!

ok. jc clique outing next sat. organising it at my house XDDD need alot of heart to heart sessions. yay.

hope uni would be good.

i realise my moods are never emo for such a long time. i guess the release of feeling was super good. evergreen green.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

YES! blogger is like totally back to normal. it was missing alot alot of things like how to put up photos and stuff.

so a mini update on my life.

wednesday went back to work with miss toh miss tay and miss gan and the timetable wasn't all that bad. 2 hours of lessons and the primary 5 classes were quite cute and was all asking me about my mia from st nicks. another 65 dollars in the bag. kaching. then daddy dearest fetched me to nus to get new laptop and gosh it took like 2 hours before i could finally put the laptop in the car and go home. was super tired then.

thurs which was yest i . . . i can't rmb what i did. gasp. OH YEAH. i went nus for biz talk with sc. sat there fore like 4 hours listening to crap literally. i hated the career guidance director. so full of herself and nus is such an elitist school. really makes me wonder if i made the right choice and all. the cors talk was extremely unhelpful to the max.

then went to meet some ppl from my og. the girls were nice! clicked with kaihui and liane. super funny some of the games but then abit lame. took mrt with kaihui back to amk and all.

today set up my new laptop and all. then helped my aunt with some booking for airline. after that dad drove sis and i to orchard so that we can walk walk and after that meet our frens. treated sis to mos burger then pei her to walk ion.

she DITCHED ME to meet her friends so i went kino to walk around while waiting for jun. end up taking mrt to city hall too early cos he was late. wanted to go burger king to slack and ended up meeting boyuan and yong seng there. stood there talking to them and catching up for like half an hour before jun came.

walked to suntec to eat astons. saw the queue was super long then wanted to find alt and ended up at astons again to queue for half an hour. i think i was nearly killed by jun but lucky he super patient and sui bian kind. so treated him to astons since last week was his treat. the person taking our order was like saying YOU SURE YOU CAN FINISH? it was amusing.

what we ordered:
2 mushroom soup with garlic bread
2 ice lemon tea
1 grilled fish with coleslaw and garden veggie
1 fried chicken with potato salad and mash potato
1 black pepper chicken burger.

it was obvious what i ate since i didn't stray from dieting that much. and JUN FINISHED EVERYTHING. expected of him though. after that walked around suntec then found some book place to look at books. it was pretty much a very relaxing outing since what we did was talk alot.

the world is an extremely small place. :P haha. shared alot of info and some can stun. today was a see nj ppl around cityhall day. normally dun see nj ppl around one

no idea what i am going to do soon. no idea at all. uni is starting alr. i hope the choices that i make are right.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world