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When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

there is a saying

"absense makes the heart grow fonder"

of course there is another saying

"out of sight, out of mind"

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am rotting. officially rotting at home. my sis left for cruise already. it is like so lonely.

can't wait for her to get back so that we can go chomp chomp to eat.

sigh. dying of boredom. finished russell peters already.

bored. . .

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

bye bye.




changed my blog skin. wanted something which was more of an livejournal feeling so i got this. spent like one hour changing html to suit what i liked. extending the width from about 100 in length.

if i don't like it, i can always change back to my pretty balloon. ahhh. i still haven worked on the profile thing and i need to edit the photo to put on the top. alot of work of html. but i learnt new things today.

watched forgetting sarah marshall today. it is a stupid show. damn stupid. wasted my time. but my sis was laughing alot. weird.

shall go do some editing.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

was too tired and lazy to blog last night although i slept at 3am. reached home at like 10.30pm.

went out with my sis. was feeling under the weather in the morn. left the house at 3. picture this. some stubborn idiot refused to take bus and take mrt to nyp. totally refused. so we sat at the bus stop opposite my house to wait for 76.

one minute passed
two minutes passed
.
.
.
twenty minutes passed

no 76. three 268 passed. 2 165 passed and i think about 15 buses passed. i was getting quite pissed and annoyed cause if taken to mrt, we would have reached like damn long ago. thank god it came but what was so pissifying was that two 76s came at the same time. bleh.

reached yck mrt and HAD TO WALK UP TO NYP. it is much further than when you walk from bus stop to njc. zzz. then met my sis's fren elvin there. quite an ok guy. as long as have no interest in my sis ok. so was just talking and laughing then my sis collected her passport. her passport pic is DAMN UGLY LAST TIME. look as though go plastic surgery.

then we walked until the auditorium there so her fren was like saying turn behind and wait and he was calling someone. i had an ultra bad feeling cause there is this guy called marcus in my sis's class which is trying to jio my sis. but my sis not interested and have you ever hear something called TOO DESPERATE?

yeah, so i saw him walking to my sis. marcus i mean. and my sis didn't know cause her back was turned and i was like 'that looks like marcus' and my sis was like 'you sure?!' and she was all panicky and stuff cause that guy is a total pest. LIKE ULTIMATE PEST. and really it was him and he was holding this bouquet of half a dozen roses. so elvin walked away and i walk with elvin so that marcus can embarrass himself in front of my sister.

and i was like telling elvin that he was so screwed for helping marcus with this. true. so true. and elvin was like looking and marcus and saying to me 'he was suppose to kneel down' wth. i was laughing so badly. i mean it is brave of him to confess and all but seriously, for my sister and i, as long as we are NOT INTERESTED. it means NOT INTERESTED. you can buy the entire world and we will still be NOT INTERESTED. marcus and my sis was walking behind me and elvin like a distance away and i was like telling elvin to ask marcus to stop it before his pride is all gone.

so at the mrt, i was telling my sis that i knew that marcus didn't go hk. the story goes like this. marcus was telling my sis that he was going to hk for one month during the hols now to think about things and forget about her. HA. LIKE REAL. i knew it was too good to be true and my sis was the naive and gullible one. the funniest thing was that when we met elvin, she was exclaiming that she was so happy cause MARCUS WAS IN HK. lol. so anyway, marcus heard my comment and was like asking me how i know.

ok, i think i am very mean to say this to him. but it was kind of funny. and he is younger than me by three days SO HA. i was like 'cause you rather castrate yourself than not see my sis for one month.' he got stunned. too bad. if i dun like the guy, my sis won't date him cause from past experiences, her ex for eg. everyone was saying that he damn handsome EVEN MY OWN CLASSMATES. and i was like telling my sis 'he confirm cheat on you.' true enuff. don't need to elaborate more.

so anyway, elvin and mr pathetic got off at amk so me and my sis took all the way down to harbour front for MARCHE.

we were super duper hungry. it was like 5.15pm when we had our first meal at marche. hungry


this is what we ate there. hungry. mushroom soup, salmon rosti (my sis ate the salmon. i hate salmon.) snail sausage plus baked potato. calamari, sirloin steak with mash potatoes, lemonade and one chocolate milkshake). freaking alot. and super full. ahh. but super nice the food. we sat there walking and walking and walking and walking and walking. around marche. lol.





ok i have a fascination for snails. no idea why and don't even bother to ask me why cause i will give you some lame crap excuse. form of self defense mechanism. lol.

so anyway, for all the nice food that we ate, I HAD TO PAY. ok. not me. but still. can try out my new visa mastercard which my mum got for me. i received it on wednesday night so i was super happy. it has my name on it, my signature behind and i had to sign it. damn cool. but the total bill was so not cool. 72 dollars. ouch ouch. super pain.


btw, the grass is damn itchy. so we were super full and started walking around vivo. i think the terrace at vivo is super nice place to hangout. we were bored so we went to the pet safari in vivo. my sis was looking at hamsters. i hate hamsters. bleh. but there were puppies there. i totally pity them cause their enclosure is quite small. but there was one which is super cute. super damn cute. four months old.


it looks like the pic above but MUCH CUTER. haha. i even added the breed name in the pic. samoyed. super cute. gosh. it looks like a huggable bear. seriously. ahh. my heart melted.

we continued walking. went to toy r us again to kill time. haha. then we went to fashion city. ah. i bought a new top. super pretty.

after that it was around 8 close to 9 so we took mrt down to clark quay. went to the central to walk around then brought my sis to this dessert place which yiwenwen brought me during april or may. super nice.


my sis was so impressed. i also. ordered hot chocolate for myself and it came with chocolate in the cup and hot milk at the side. so you get to pour it yourself and make your own hot chocolate. my sis ordered orange soda and it came with an orange slice inside the glass. haha. ordered soffiato and panna cotta. my sis loved the soffiato. lol. i end up eating the panna cotta. total bill. . . ouch. 35. my sis better love me.

continued walking the night scene. super nice and pretty the lights. WHY ON EARTH WAS I WALKING WITH MY SIS. sigh. shall stop dreaming. and i think alot of ppl gave us weird looks cause she was spastically holding that stupid bouquet of roses. zz. pretty.


we walked into this super girly store in central and IT IS VERY PRETTY. i saw this hair tie which is super pretty but cost like 10 bucks. sigh. all the things there very pretty and i saw this earring which was what i have been looking for and my sis bought it for me. hee.

after that, we took mrt home super tired by then.

my left ear 2ND earhole infected. bleh. was bleeding and stuff and had difficulty putting the earring cause it was bloody painful. sigh.

after that went online to watch RUSSELL PETERS.

now watching the police show on tv. shall go to study later. sigh. prelims is NOT OVER. although it seems like that.

so anyway, i got this new photoediting thing which is the bomb. super nice. better than the previous one that i downloaded. i will be total selfish not to share haha. cause it is just too damn pretty.


my current desktop wallpaper. pretty. now i can capture things on laptop. haha. use to have another program but i forgot the name.


my long forgotten email account in yahoo. but i use this account for alot of things. friendster etc. i neglect emails like crazy.

ah. i love photo editing programs. super pretty. IT just rocks. i haven use photoshop for quite sometime. going to do web designing when i am free.

later going to watch movie due to free cathay tickets.

my mum is working today. my sis going off tml. my mum leaving on fri. my dad in shanghai. i am so left alone. bleh.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sick. feeling really sick and tired. literally. this is not some emo blog post.

fever. headache. sore throat. when i woke up i felt that something was wrong. left the house wearing my sweater. note, i don't wear sweater when i usually leave the house. first sign of sickness.

2nd, reached school with headache. maths was relatively doable. feeling that i screwed it up just the same. how are you suppose to concentrate when you are doing the paper very slowly. still managed to finish but still slowly. half way during the paper, i felt something was wrong. used my hand to touch my lips, it came out bloody. yeah, i shld have panicked rite? but no, cause i wanted to finish the paper i end up tasting blood for half an hour. metallic tang.

urgh. i can't finish this post. i am too tired. my throat hurts. i want to sleep. shall finish it tml.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

now i am honestly insulted.
my life don't freaking evolve around one thing.
damn annoyed.

shall go vent my anger on maths.
bloody hell.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

today is a screwed up day.

case study was ok. standard. but i just had to blank out at one moment of time. i just had to let that thought into my head. then THAT WAS IT. win alr. lucky blank onli for like a minute or so then continue writing.

tml is maths. haven started revising. but slept the entire way away.

i miss meiling. ONG MEILING. she chatting with me online now. i don't care. i want a sec 4 class gathering. i miss xiang, mei, nat, sharon. asking her if she wanna go back st nicks on friday. i miss sec 4 grace. i miss the protectiveness of st nicks. i hate the muggish spirit of nj. i hate it when everyone is so into their mugging that they neglect their surrounds. st nicks is die and die tgt esp for geog class. we even study in geog room after sch. special privileges for geog ppl. haha.

ahh. i wanna go out with them. i am pretty much booked next week. my sis leaving me alone at home for like 4-5 days cause she going cruise and leaving me all alone. bleh.

sigh. feeling so goddamn lonely now. missing st nicks. missing my besties. missing all my friends. i think female frens just rock. hais.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i got a gut feeling that tomorrow's case study is on standard of living. and another will be on labour and price ceiling etc.

i have no idea if i am right. i have zero percent accuracy for this. but still.

my mood is all screwed up.

i am playing this song on repeat.

I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

because i am in a totally horrible mood since yesterday and it will probably last until, i have no idea when. was so so so fed up yesterday that i finally drank my barcardi breezer. it is hard to get drunk when you are drinking something that you particularly like. i ended up with a headache from all that alcohol.

great. at this rate, i am turning into some alcoholic.

to not be so morbid and stuff. was looking at twilight stuff. since my studying mood was KILLED. my emotions were butchered. my hopes dashed.


i honestly can't wait for this movie. can't wait. the lead actress that plays bella is the same age as me. hais.

what is your form of self mutilation?
pen knives? rulers? scissors?
no, i prefer strong sarcasm

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i need a distraction, diversion or whatever
before i start bawling my eyes out now.
fuck it all.
i can hardly bear to stay in this without wanting to run away

all excuses, that was what they are
all lies. all bloody fked up excuses

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

'nothing is impossible'

whoever coined that phrase must be living a very smooth sailing life. nothing is impossible.

why is it impossible for alot of things for me? a person who has everything is a person who is lacking of everything. this is so true.

there are things that are impossible. impossible to bring the dead back alive. impossible to force something that is not there to be there. i think i have a higher probability of being struck by lightning than that to ever happen.

self delusion makes people think that the chance is never zero when it actually is.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

“You can close your eyes to things that you don’t want to see,

but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.”

- Anonymous

right now, it is the wrong time to be reflect on feelings. but sharp memories is filtering in.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

weekends are entirely useless for me to study.

number 1: i have the tendency to take naps damn early like 1pm
number 2: my mum is at home
number 3: my sis is STILL SLEEPING at like 3.20pm so i can't use the room to study
number 4: i get distracted by the rain
number 5: my neighbour's dog is barking WHEN IT DOESN'T RAIN
and the list goes on and on

my mummy dearest went to ntuc and she spent like 200 over dollars on things. i have no idea what she bought. but alot of food stuff. she bought my breakfast which is SUBWAY. eating breakfast at like 11.30am isn't considered late is it?

so anyway, she was cooking bakut teh. my mum doesn't always cook. like once a month when the mood strikes her. then i went upstairs to take stuff and came down again. and she and my maid was staring at the sink. so i went to look. in the sink was four LIVE CRABS. moving and stuff. and i was like 'can we keep one as a pet?'

then she shooed me and asked me to go into the dining area. X( cause she wanted to kill the crab and she didn't want to expose me to the cruelties of this earth. but one crab nibbed her. and i think my mum had alot of fun killing it.

so cooked and i ate with her crab and bakut teh. weird combi but nice. lol.

now doing SEQUENCES AND SERIES. which is totally driving me nuts. seriously nuts. rawr.

hais. don't want to think anymore. just focus on tomorrow. and after thursday start to do something about it.

i think my neighbours are crazy. the opposite one. always giving us food and stuff and it is DAMN NICE FOOD. like they cook porridge and their porridge have dried oyster. and they just gave subway. IN THE POURING RAIN. haha. my mum is always saying that they have two sons there so wanna woo or something. NO WAY. my life is hectic enough for romance.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i won't lie to say that it doesn't hurt
for once, my dreams are coming true.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i told a uber big lie. to my mum. it is kind of funny if you think about this.

i was downstairs revising for vectors and doing maths when she was finished with her lunch. then she sat with me and started this ANNOYING CONVO.

mum: so how is XXX?
i was so trying to to laugh at this point of time. cause i seriously don't know why she always like to mention XXX to me. must be my sis. seriously.
me: he is fine i guess. not sure
mum: why?
then i look at my mum straight in the eye
me: he is gay.
mum: why he gay? is he the guy or the girl then?
me: how i know, i don't ask him. very sensitive
mum: next time you must ask ok?

then i have no idea if she thought i was kidding or what but she went upstairs. and i started laughing. i know it is abit extreme by saying someone is gay but still, maybe she will tone down abit.

gosh. since i am not really new to gayness having one member of my external family which is gay so my mum is pretty ok with that fact. NOTE, i am straight. i tink she will just kill me if i turn les. which i won't of course.

it is quite touching that my mum cares about the sexual orientation of the people around me. ha.
it is raining and i am the urge to slp. sigh. hardly started on anything bleh.

just to prove that i am a heartless bitch. lol.

my mum just told me that today was my cousin's birthday. she was like 'today is yude kor kor's birthday.' and my reply was a 'so?' sad to say, i can't be bothered when my older cousin turns 20. if others i will care. not him.

god bless the broken road
that led me straight to you

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

finally, the last of my primary 6 clique to be 18. haha. super long never see her already. like over a year. ahh. the first friend that i made in primary 5. my index number partner for two years. my super talented grade 8 and above violin player. i have been to so many of her string orchestra concerts and all have been great. must catch up soon.

chatting with my bestie jiin online. ahh. super long never chat with her. have study date with her on friday. miss her loads. super long also never catch up with flo. sigh. studies is seriously making all of us super busy.

i had another one dream last night. it just made me scared. it just made me don't wish to talk. cause it will sound silly. it will sound totally paranoid. but then my gut feeling has never been wrong.

doesn't help that the song 'hate that i love you' keeps running in my head.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i am slacking my butt off today. was doing major self reflecting but rather just reading and watching tv.

watching one of the best table tennis matches now. zhang yining vs wang nan. i watched this match four years ago and now i am watching it now. haha. zhang yining is my favourite table tennis player since sec 2. super cool her style. and world number 1 for super long.

now realise that most of my fave sports players are world number 1. zhang yining. and of course RAFAEL NADAL. ahh. i will be pretty occupied with the US open next week. most of my year is preoccupied by tennis. the french open, wimbledon, olympics and now us open. but i never liked hard court matches.

now watching the best out of 7 matches. but point system rather fast. until 11 points. tennis is another thing. i hate watching best out of 5 matches for tennis esp for nadal. but he always plays such long matches. sigh.

after this shall go back to my haven with mathematics. i so love vectors.

and yet i wish i can run away
cos staying online holds no meaning.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

'that is the ugliest thing i have ever seen'

people will only believe in things that they have seen. even though they say they believe in what they hear, that is not always true.

people will only want to see the negative side of things. no one really wants to see happy things like weddings.

you know there are somethings in life which you know you are not suppose to do or see and yet you still want to do it. it is like a car accident. you know that it will be horrible but yet you can't help but want to look at it.

more often than not, people don't truly say what they feel. and more often people don't really bother about listening to others. you know why? cause they only believe in what they think and only believe in themselves. so even when they are asking for advice, they only want to hear things that they want to hear. when it is something that they are against, they will listen but they won't really absorb it.

sad but true.

we are all denying the fact that we are living in a world of our own and want to believe that we can listen and take criticisms. unfortunately, we are only deluding ourselves.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i was watching this video and i totally agree with it.

it goes about how people give STUPID ANSWERS to some questions. esp to a yes or no question.

picture this, you asking someone if they wanted to go to the movies
they answer
'see first'
'maybe'
'kind of'
'see how'
'perhaps'

that is when i get totally annoyed and just blow off the entire idea and ask other people that can answer a yes or no question. i mean, yes or no. see first is like 50 50 but it goes towards a no in general. maybe is like god knows what the hell you are thinking of. kind of for me is like i just feel that i wasted my time asking. see how, is like see first. although they must see HOW things go.

rawr. ok, just various things that bug me. what is with people that cannot answer qn. i mean in chemisty or something they will ask if this reaction is feasible. i wonder do people answer PERHAPS or MAYBE.

i totally understand if time is needed to consider so the correct answer that i will accept is that 'i will tell you later' not a SEE HOW. yeah, see how then don't even say rite?

zzzz. totally annoying.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

WOOHOO!

gp down. econs 1/2 down. chem 1/3 down. i felt so bloody relieved that today is OVER. it is like, THANK GOD. i survived.

was getting panic attacks yest. like can suddenly cannot find my black pen and then waste like ten minutes trying to locate it ON THE TABLE. then i spent like half an hour before sleeping trying to find my ladybug. which i stupidly left it in my bag for the PREVIOUS COMMON TEST. yes, it has stayed there for like two months. bleh, i have this horrible habit of not emptying my bag and end up finding alot of things inside. NOT SWEETS. i don't keep food in bag.

random ramblings for now, econs was ok. had abit of brain blocked. didn't finish my part 4b and i just anyhow squeezed in the monetary policy. i think the structure wise was screwed up. my hand hurt like hell but lets hope for the best cos i liked the externality qn. the rest was so so. sigh.

tried studying for chem but was rather not in the mood. so when chem paper came, i just was in a 'just do it'. relatively doable IF YOU HAVE STUDIED ORGANIC CHEM WHICH I DID NOT. ok, not did not, but not excessive. was focusing alot of electrochem which NON CAME OUT. seriously, people should study wadeva i DON'T STUDY. cos will come out one.

this has been tested and proven in sec four.

was super tired by then. but super happy that it is over and done with. shall not bother about the marks for now. next week is MATHS, econs and MATHS. lol. i love maths. seriously. i have no idea why. since pri 6 i liked maths.

shall finish up with my inequalities part for maths before revising for sequences again.

so after school, took bus with boon jin and usarin. managed to drag uncle trick along since he was going cat high. i super long never hang out with my juniors alr. hais. got prelims to consider.

went amk hub. bought bread from crystal jade bakery there. lol. told my mum and she was like, 'got crystal jade there?' anyway, got my breakfast for tomorrow already. feeling abit lazy to go out amk hub tml to buy lunch.

first thing when i got home was to bath. then watch tv. then play piano. then finish the new moon book.

my current song of the time on piano is 'jardin secret' by richard clayderman. it is super nice. but quite hard to master the tone. sigh. shall go back to practising it. I STILL HAVEN PLAY THE 'POINT OF NO RETURN' from phantom of the opera. that shall be my everest. haha.

was watching the hk show at 8. super long nv catch it alr. ahh. super nice. then i was watching this korean show with my mum. super romantic

guy: if you want me to stay with you, all you need to do is to ask. if you ask, i am willing to give up everything to be with you. just say the word.

as if this will come true in real life. i mean there is no such scenario whereby the girl says 'stay with me' and then the guy WILL stay with her. no such scenario. cause people always want things that they cannot have. that is the entire point.

slightly sleepy now. sigh. three more days and the entire cycle begins. i dread a levels.

love is overrated
love is an exaggeration
by fools that believe in it
and by others that want it

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

back from school. finished bathing and playing piano.

gp is just suicide. haha. but it was fun just writing work. gosh. i hate to say this but i like exams. it just makes me want to do work. haha. just sitting there for two hours and being able to write ur best just makes me happy.

i am a fool for being happy over simple things. lol. damn silly. but just feeling so happy today.

the entire jc2 cohort were just flabbergasted by the standard of the paper. just stun. aq was brilliant. ha. stem cell research.

after that, went home with boon jin and usarin. let both of them hear the 'i kissed a girl' song, haha. truly nice the tune but the lyrics. COUGH COUGH.

rawr, had to run out in the rain just now cause my uncle came by and my maid went to buy lunch so i had to unlock the gate. bleh. but nvm, me happy.

chem and econs. SIANZ. but at least i feel happy so should be ok.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

one day more. after 12 hours, i would be awake and preparing for what would be the worst one month of my life. rawr.

it is totally unproductive. unproductive studying. i finished chem. YES FINISHED CHEM. which is totally different from knowing how to do. i can just stare at the qn and then go OH SHIT, flip back to the answer and go CHEY. how on earth is this going to help?!

random smses make me horridly happy. just makes me feel that i am not alone etc. and that there are people suffering with me.

i love audrey chong. haha. random smsing her for a while. both of us are pretty much sianz of studying but just motivating each other. and guess what, both of us are in love with this song by katy perry. called 'i kiss a girl'. my current blog music.

so far, my sis, me, audrey, sijia likes this song and ALL FROM ST NICKS. lol. this is so funny. i going to find anyone else that likes this song which is NOT ST NICKS.

micro econs is just screwing me over. i have no idea what the hell i was doing last year. notes so vague. outlines are just screwed up. i really am putting all my bets on externalities. if it doesn't come out. screwed. macro isn't that bad so far.

gp. . . come what may. at least i am clear of what i am suppose to do.

tml tml i loathe u tml. but on another hand, i can't wait to get it over and done with. CAN'T WAIT.

things to do after prelims:
1. learn how to cycle.
2. get a tan (sun tanning date)
3. read the 8 books which i bought from kino and NOT TOUCHED.
4. reply smses which i have neglected.
5. watch everything all over again.

micro econs. rawr. my brain is just saturated but i have no idea what the hell i am doing. my breaks are LONGER than my studying time. just playing piano.

ahh. A for maths.

gosh. looking at photos and saying ppl is fugly is horridly mean and confirm get retribution but then, when i showed my sis one pic, she burst out laughing.

you are my experimental game
it is not what good girls do

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

If i promise to be good
if i promise that i would not want anything from you
would you then stay?

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i could seriously break down and cry right now.

i am really exhausted. just thoroughly drained. was studying until close to 3am yest/today. and work up at 5.50 just to get ready for school. 3 hours plus of sleep. i was quite zombie like in school. occasionally being high just killed whatever energy i had.

it made me think. i only have 6 1/2 days before prelims. and i still left so much to study for especially for chem. i still have to study for maths which i feel that i can totally screw it up. the stats mock test results that i got back today was like. . .wtf. i really don't know what to say. fine, i passed it. fine, i only studied binom, poisson, p and c and probability for this test and left out complex, hypo sampling and linear. but the fact that the marks was there just proved that i didn't put in my effort.

i don't want this to happen for prelims. yet if i continue with yest's crazy mugging, i will just kill myself. it just made me so tired today. econs consultation, realise once again that i suck at international trade. there is STILL ALOT to work on. gp, i don't even need to say much.

piles of hw. gp consultation on fri, need to do essay to give her. econs consulation on fri, do essay to show her. econs extra lesson, another essay to go through as a class. chemistry, i not even consulting. may have maths consultation in the morn, if yes, need to do qn.

i only have today and tomorrow to finish everything. still have to settle sgc. have to settle ten reflections for cip.

i still have my own personal things to deal with. i am going to throw that aside. after prelims, i will just let myself break down and cry. but not now.

mugging is really a lonely road.

for now, don't ask me to do things that is no study related. i won't bother. and i find some people damn goddamn selfish. for heaven's sake, not everyone went through the same thing so just shut up and listen.

this all comes from the heart. i have no time to play guessing games

It's not easy not answering
Every time I want to talk to you but I can't
If you only knew the hell I put myself through

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

this is a CONFIRMED HIATUS until after some papers of prelim.

i just hope i have enough will power to do so. inorganic chem is EASY. once you get the hang of it. but my memory space is sparse. shall go do econs soon.

until then, sayonara mina san.
katatsumuri daisuki!

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

yesterday was my mum's birthday!



went to serangoon garden country club yesterday for lunch at jumbo. chinese food. before that, my relatives went for bowling while me and my sis went to play pool. rawr. it is such an annoying and boring game.

then my cousin came to disturb. RAWR. i dislike him. alot alot. after that was just sitting down to watch my uncle and he play.

lunch lunch. super happy. i like dimsum.

all the august babies celebrated their bday today. my mum, my two cousins. one 20 the other 10. LOL.


after that, my sis and i went to the arcade room to just be boliao and take photos. pictures are green due the lights.

that is all for yest. not really in the mood to type much.

now still doing chem. bleh. the inorganic is making me be super annoyed. watching the beijing olympics badminton. i still like tennis. still like tennis. badminton is so . . dumb. no power at all. plus spore lost in the first round

i think i will thoroughly be engrossed at the tennis matches. nadal.

go back to cheming. after that is econs case study and gp compre. bleh.

life is so boring. a mugging life is lonely.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i wish i could be lost in my own world
and there would be someone to hold my hand

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

was surfing the net. rawr. had an ant problem in my parent's room. my notes had ants. the table had ants. lucky, got rid of all of them.

Men are hard to please.

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u DON'T, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u DON'T, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's SMARTER than u, he is GREAT.
If u DON'T love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u LOVE him, he will try to LEAVE u.
If u DON'T make love with him, he says u DON'T Love him;
If u DO, he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u DON'T, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u CANNOT be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMEN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!
If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true;
but if u don't, they say u are selfish.

tsk. i read this before but it is SO TRUE.

He said , She said

10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
8) He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.
7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen'
6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere.."
Written just below it: "I do not."
5) He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. "
4) Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Who's gonna look?'
3) He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
2) He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
1) He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

sigh. bored now. going to start on chem later when my mum comes back with lunch. sigh. she flying off to india next fri AGAIN. sianz.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

cooked dinner night.

the most ironic thing is all my 18 years, i have never cooked for a guy before. my dad is not counted. and first time cook for someone around my age. and guess wad, it is not even the one i like.

zzz. i hope that i don't poison that poor guy. but he said it was very nice. XD LOL. happy abit.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

national day celebration was. . . lame.

can't believe we went to school just to sit down and crap and BLOW BUBBLES. and i spilled like alot of the bubble water on my legs. but i can blow big bubbles! boon jin is LAME. he is the most suitable lightbulb. tall and stone.

haha. our class got kind of high during the singing. AH. the 'we will get there' song. i miss st nicks ALOT. seriously. it is our sec 4 cohort song. like 'there is still a long long way to go' meaning o lvls. and all the sec fours will just shout out that part.

went to meet jamie and saw audrey and sijia. gosh. three of us were just talking about that song and AUDREY CRIED. lol.

then jamie and i went thomson kfc to eat and mugged for a while but that silly girl was freezing and she was sleepy. and i was like nodding off alr. haha. so she went to her dad's office to photocopy my econs essay outline then i went home.

haha. her dad just fetched her to return the notes to me just now. sleepy now. shall slp for a while then go back to chemisty.

this is funny, i just asked the heartbreaker to mend my heart.

sigh. i wish i didn't know at all. it just makes things abit weird. curiosity killed the cat. i agree. and satisfaction this time didn't bring it back.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

sometimes not thinking may be the hardest thing to do

did maths today. more often than not i would just stone and think. and each time i did that, something just shatters.

finally wrote out all my feelings in my diary. it has been over a month since i last wrote in it. funny, the content is still the same.

my stubbornness may not be the only one that is killing me.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

rawr. stupid, not handsome, not clever nicholas leong kae xiang

yes, i should just let both of them be together and live happily ever after.
he is totally suaning me seriously. STUPID KX.

like my heart is not dripping blood alr.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

when you think alot, you tend to dream of it.
i really like self mutilation alot
doesn't mean that it always happen to me
means history MUST repeat itself
i am TIRED OF IT.

why not i just take a knife directly to stab into my heart
it is much faster that way.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i truly must be crazy
i totally just asked for it

i just asked for heartache to be served on a platter

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

piang. i think my heart just shattered into a million pieces.

while doing the write up for my gsc. was chatting with yiwenwen, teddy, clement, jiin, denny.

i miss my bestie jiin! it has been like forever since we last chatted.
BABE I MISS YOU.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

flushed face
watery eyes
red ears

this is what happens when you get caught in the rain yesterday, run to an aircon bus and take about half an hour to reach home. sick. slight fever. but in the morning shld be ok. don't know why at night then feel totally dead.

totally exhausted and sickish now.

doing econs essay. nothing is going thru my head.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i have never been more determined to learn driving until now. urgh. read someone's blog that he was learning to drive and i could swear that he is four months younger than me. rawr.

shall go take up driving end of the year. hopefully i won't kill anyone or kill myself even.

super happy with today's outing. ahh. hugs and kisses.

took out my 2nd piercing like YES! i think i was stupid not to take it out the correct method cause, it is really simple. jap curry just rocks. kino rocks even more. FINALLY BOUGHT THE BREAKING DAWN. even though it is not the hard cover edition which makes me disappointed. but i can't read it yet.

i counted, i saw 8 nj students in orchard road. about 3 were jc2 students. now i don't feel so guilty that i went out to enjoy.

shall go back to do chem work. the rain made my green maths book wet and i am super sad. rawr.

happy happy happy
bounce bounce bounce

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

doing econs right now.

already ready to leave the house at three to hit the town. but shld be back soon since need to get something. haha.

i think this is the first time in like two years that i am dressed so GUY. really. 3/4 berms plus a hoodie. guy guy.

managed to get out of school early. but i was drenched due to the rain. sneezing now. ha.

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

if i don't get killed by studying, i will probably get killed by the weather

was drinking, chrysanthemum tea, water, apple juice, vitagen through out the entire day. so if i end up stuck in the toilet due to weird concoctions, you will know why.

bleh. my dad can only come back to spore during late sept, early oct. which is like two months. great. if anyone say things like 'you are so lucky to be rich' and 'because you are rich', i really will slap them. it is my parent's money. NOT MINE. secondly, do you freaking know what is the opportunity cost of all these? if you don't, don't even say it to my face.

annoying when people say these kind of things. normally, i wouldn't mind. but if i happen to be in a pms mode, then too bad for that person.

was watching the mtv asian awards. was more of watching performances than actually seeing the awards. pussycat dolls, stephanie sun, panic at the disco. i think the best was leona lewis and one republic in terms of live performances. STOP AND STARE. super nice.

i strongly encourage any guy who complains that they have ALOT OF KIDS to go for a vasectomy. you know why? the problem lies with him. not the girl.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

happy mood now. hee.

still doing vectors. was sleeping the entire day away. hope tomorrow will be more productive. need to do chem!

priority for studying prelims, econs, chem, maths. gp is a just read. must remember that i have consultation with mrs nair on wed.

was checking amazon and GOSH, BREAKING DAWN IS OUT.


i think the cover is super pretty and nice. it is in kino now and kino is having its 20 percent off from 2 aug to 9 aug and they are selling breaking dawn at 25% off but it is the paper cover. i like the hardcover better. more lasting.

happy.

i CAN'T BELIEVE IT. BLEH.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

reason for me to be thinking alot

D
U
G

ha. almost typical.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

i woke up at 10.30. ate breakfast. did some work. went back to sleep at 1.05. woke up like 2 hours and 10 minutes later.

sleepy. just feel utterly exhausted and tired. rawr.

shall go back to my beloved vectors. going to finish electro chem tutorial alr. shall start on inorganic soon.

this doesn't feel like studying. it feel like HOMEWORK DAY. bleh.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

after seeing the prelim timetable. one word comes to my mind, screwed.

20 aug - gp
21 aug - econs 2 chem 3
25 aug - maths 2
27 aug - econs 1
28 aug - maths 1
9 sept - physics 1 and 2
10 sept - chem 1 and 2

all i can say is, my strategy is FORGET ABOUT PHYSICS. focus on ECONS, maths and maybe chem.

gosh. i study so much for maths and end up, it is 2nd week. i nv study econs yet, first week. chem also. rawr.

whoever adopted the previous studying strategy from me in the opposite way will be feeling so darn happy right now.

my sis was playing with me who wants to be a millionaire. and it is unfair, cause she gets the easier questions. but i still win her hands down. she thot some weird guy won the french open 5 times cause the audience gave her that answer which proved to be wrong. HA. i just scored at qns regarding geog and tennis.

*disclaimer
the above prelim information is posted purely due to the writer's benefit and any wrong info posted shall not be used against the writer

ok, the above was lame.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

just finished dinner. ah.

super nice. my mum cooked beef steak with broccoli, one sausage and baked mini potatoes. haha. also had mushroom soup. yum. then the beef steak the sauce was some herb and gravy and she poured brandy inside.

i am abit tipsy or sleepy now cause the brandy was 40 percent and after that, she was drink gin and tonic to which i shared with her cause i am EIGHTEEN. ha. was throwing that fact in my sis's face. but i may be slightly drunk. haha. after i drank the gin tonic, my mum was laughing at my face which was to them red.

i checked the alcohol content of the gin and it was 47.3%. i wonder how much alcohol i consumed alr. it would explain my sudden sleepiness.

was checking friendster for my horoscope. 'someone may feel more deserving of the attention you're getting -- you have a foe.' I WONDER.

shall keep quiet in case i blurt out something silly.

baby you are the best.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world

gosh. today is a happy day. ahhh.

but it was super tiring and sleepy. reached sch at 7.20am. was sitting with my kor anthony and ji fan. anthony ponned his first two periods to slack. tsk tsk.

then went lib to join sc, olivia and then yiwen came. was doing the case study. can't believe it. i worked on it from 9am to 11.30 am. so unproductive. but it was fun i guess. hanging out with class people. sc is a cat and her future partner is a tiger. LOL.

then went down to canteen to makan then went for econs. super funny again econs. joson got saboed very badly. he became super tanned. lol. ms heng now knows the existence of audrey. i think he is going to murder me. oops. but then he is MUSICALLY TALENTED. haha. he is a guitar string.

after that walked out with boon jin, joson, teddy, yiwen and yun. before that went to photocopying shop. bleh. i dislike the auntie alot. she is a bloody racist. i have no idea if i have blogged about this before but she is a super racist. she refused to photocopy papers for me, end up i have to buy a stupid photocopying card for 2.50 for just two sheets of paper and guess wad, as soon as i bought that card, she went to help some indian girl photocopy. bloody racist.

silly conversations can be so EXASPERATING. rawr. i am NOT going to say anything. but seriously. . .

THREE HOURS. wth.

i can even take a nap with three hours. it must be invisiblity. seriously.

my mum is at home. super happy. my hair is now in two pony tails. silly but it gets the hair out of my way. i am suppose to keep very quiet now cause my mum is working and she is having a conference call. and she put it on loud speaker and i can hear american accents and even a hong kong accent over the phone.

shall go slp and wake up to do work. 20 days more. gosh. i can't believe it.

p.s i love you ♥
living in my own crazy world